I’m not a sociopath. I looked it up and the description doesn’t fit me, except one part of my life, but even that I can sort of explain. Despite this one thing, I try to consider other people as best I can. I’m not selfish. I don’t want a lot for myself and I give stuff away and share things.
But there is this one thing about me that’ll make you think I’m a terrible person so I want to tell you more about my life. You don’t have to completely change your idea and say, hey, she’s nice, but maybe you’ll see it’s more complicated and not hate me. Maybe you’ll even see it from my point of view. But don’t start in with any crap about me getting beaten up or sexually abused. That never happened. My mom getting sick and me trying to help her is the whole reason. And you should know that just because I managed to do some unusual things, don’t think I’m a genius. Okay, I’m not stupid but mostly I got things done because I worked hard at it. There’s an old spy movie called, “Three Days of the Condor.” Robert Redford plays a grad student working for the CIA who turns out to be super resourceful at getting out of trouble. The bad guys can’t understand how he manages. I think it’s the Max von Sydow character who explains: “he reads a lot of books.” Well that’s what I had to do, only since this is the twenty-first century, I also had the Internet.
My name is Fay, which my mom used to spell “Fei” because she was from China. She wanted to give me a Chinese name and my dad wanted an American name so they picked one that was both Chinese and American depending on how you spell it. After I read The Mists of Avalon, I tried spelling it “Fey” but I stopped when I found out it means “impending death” in Celtic. I can’t remember my dad, but from the pictures he was blond and very tall, just the opposite of my mom. I turned out to be somewhere in between. My hair is lighter than my mom’s, a dark brown with some red in it. My nose is bigger than her’s—Mom called it a “high nose.” And my eyelids have folds but the shape is what people call “almond.”
It’s cool being a blend of two races. I’m both, but I can look like either one. Mostly I tried to look like I’m my mom’s daughter to emphasize how we were a family and stuck together. I kept my hair long with bangs and the way it framed my face made me look very Asian. But if I put on the blond wig from when I was in that Ibsen play at school and load on the makeup—light foundation, some blush, lip gloss, shaping the eyeliner and going heavy on the mascara— I can look completely Caucasian.
With a push-up bra and the right outfit I can pass for a twenty-five year old Caucasian slut named Tiffany Olshevsky. I know because I’ve got a...