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A Modest Proposal For Making Driving More Entertaining, While Creating The Same Risks For Everyone

1501 words - 6 pages

A Modest Proposal For Making Driving More Entertaining, While Creating The Same Risks For Everyone On The Road

It was suggested to me that we “…kill all [the] dumbasses [who choose to drink and drive],” but I felt this too harsh (Holzbach). Why not let them kill themselves? The nation, as a whole, would be more pleasant, happier and more carefree.

It is a melancholy object to those who often frequent the bars in this great country to see those who do not currently share in their fortunate state of being. They are usually alone, observing those around them with great envy, holding the car keys, but worst of all, sober. It is the inopportune being who is unluckily chosen to be the designated driver for the evening. It is always an enjoyable experience to spend hour upon hour pounding back the drinks in a bar. Why limit the fun? Why choose someone to be a designated driver and make his or her night miserable? Why not take the fun onto the road?

I think that it is agreed by all parties that the prodigious number of sober drivers in our neighborhoods, city streets, and country roads is at present deplorable to the state of our great nation. Currently, a whopping ninety-eight percent of Americans of driving age feel threatened by those who drive under the influence of alcohol, which means that only two percent of Americans are able to fully relax and enjoy themselves while on the road, and with the growing awareness, this number could be on the rise (MADD Online: General Statistics 1). What a travesty! All drivers, and passengers alike, should be put at the same risk for danger, be it damage, injury, or death.

But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only for those driving the cars: it is of a much greater extent, and shall take in the whole number of citizens, whether they are driving the car or riding in it and even extends to those who are merely walking down the street.

As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many years, upon this important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of our projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in their computation. It is true. There are not enough drivers who drive under the influence. In the year 2001, MADD Online approximated that only one in ten drivers, a mere 25 million, drove drunk, and, consequently these drivers were the ones significantly more likely to be involved in a crash of some sort, but why shouldn’t we level the playing field? (1)

There is likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it will obliterate the need for expensive car insurance plans. Those plans steal from us our hard-earned money and will no longer be necessary if we all are at equal risk for damage, risk, and liability.

The number of souls in this country is currently reckoned at just under three hundred million (American FactFinder 1). Of these are calculated to be approximately two hundred million licensed drivers (Licensed Drivers – Our Nation’s...

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