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A Modest Proposal To Rid Our Country Of The Homeless (Satire)

1449 words - 6 pages

I am sure that you agree that in our country it would be an offence to
provide for someone who intrudes on the many firms that have business
in our country. Therefore, tell me this: Why is it acceptable to give
money to a person who destroys the public image, sleeps on the
property of something that is not theirs, and is not increasing our
GDP? To see these homeless people on
the streets of our cities, is NOT such a pleasant sight.

We pay our taxes for a reason: education for our children; a national
health service; the maintenance of our roads; the sewers that take away
the dirty water from your home. Even the army which protects our
motherland. Am I correct in saying that is not fair for someone not to
pay for this, yet still benefit? Of course not, this is preposterous.
In the current state of our economy and international events, I state
that we should make it our prime objective to be rid of this sight for
sore eyes, in a way that not only helps us, but will also allow the
homeless to be granted the benefits of the services mentioned in a way
we see fit.

Many people may suggest just giving the homeless a certain amount of
money to live on each month or so. I ask you, what would you rather
do? Pay for some old man to buy another bottle of cheap whiskey, or
use this money to improve your child's education? Yes, I thought so.
My plan is far from simply preventing the problem for a while. My plan
is to solve it.

I have pondered on the idea of what to do with homeless people; they
benefit neither me nor you, so why should we put up with them? Due to
recent events, one idea has come to the fore: With radical Muslims
killing our troops everywhere they can find them, it is clear we need a
stronger force. It is true that we can utilize one of the many
powerful weapons in our arsenal, such as the nuclear bomb, yet the
civilian and biological affects of this are not worth it. It is clear;
we should increase the size of our infantry. And it is fortunate we
have this surplus of people lying around, literally.
Experts tell us that tourists who see these homeless people lying
around our cities find the to be demoralizing and therefore reduce the amount
they spend. Is it therefore fair to say the homeless are lowering the
amount of taxpayer's profits? And why should the taxpayer feel sorry
for these people? Does it actually look like they are doing anything
to change the situation they have put themselves in? A recent
survey indicated that 70% of homeless people had
run away from home due to family problems. My friends, this is more
than 2/3 of the homeless! I therefore state my solution, which has
advantage both ways. It is clear; we should increase the size of our
infantry. Military advisors claim that an increase of
approximately 50,000 troops could adequately contain...

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