A Narrow Escape From Death Essay

682 words - 3 pages

Section B writing task

Billy was extremely overjoyed. He had just got his SPM examination results and he scored straight A's. His parents promised to take him to Taiwan for holidays if he passed the public examination with flying colours. Comment by owner: Good short sentence opener Comment by owner: Good use of idiom
Billy's parents kept their promise. A week later, they were at the Kota Kinabalu International Airport to catch an aeroplane to Taiwan. Billy was excited as it was his first overseas trip. Furthermore, it was his first flight. After checking in at the counter, they proceeded to the departure lounge. They waited for about an hour before boarding the aeroplane. Comment by owner: All good sentences but some more descriptive could be added using more language techniques.
On the aeroplane, Billy was lucky to have a window seat. Fifteen minutes later, the aeroplane started to take off. As the aeroplane soared into the air, Billy looked out through the window. He could see the buildings and people on the ground getting smaller and smaller. Not long after, the aeroplane was flying above the clouds. The jungle below resembled a giant green carpet. Comment by owner: It’s an okay sentence –e.g. the preparation for take-off was underway Comment by owner: Good choice of verb Comment by owner: Good sentence starter
When the aeroplane was flying over the Philippines, all of a sudden, there was a mechanical failure and smoke was seen emerging from one of the engine nacelles. Billy, his parents and many other passengers started to panic. Some passengers screamed out of fear. Comment by owner: Once again there could have been more suspense and use of descriptive detail - develop some of your sentences Comment by owner: Good use of specialist vocabulary
"Ladies and gentleman please calm down," the captain announced. "Due to technical problems, we'll have to make an emergency landing on a coastal road of the Philippines. Please take out the life jackets under your seats and put them on. After that,...

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