A Reflection Of Personal Identity Essay

1452 words - 6 pages

Looking in the mirror trying to form an assessment of who I am, and why requires introspection and a journey back through my life. I see that my love of music (mainly) and poetry were always encouraged by my family who supported creativity, and expression. I look at my reflection and see my strengths stemming directly from the relationships I hold close to my heart and treasure the support they provide in my life. My dad died right before my older brother came home from Vietnam in 1972. The loss I experienced in my world was indescribable, and my brother who is twelve years older than I stepped in to ease the pain. My passion for music was encouraged by my mother, but she was immersed in her own loss that she could hardly function. I lost months of memory, and some of my siblings joked and teased me because I live in me heart, not my head, but my oldest brother understood. He understood how much I loved my daddy, and that dad had always seen me as being the “sensitive one,” My brother continued to nurture the creative piece of my heart that loved music so very much. To bring me out of my shell I had crawled into, he would take me for walks in the woods, telling me stories and got me to sing with him the whole way. He shared with me the music he loved and helped me find comfort once again in what always had made me shine.
Even though the rest of my siblings teased me, they still called me their “buttercup” and mom always said that I was sunshine in her world. Even as a very young child I was always singing or humming and could find the bright side to everything, which is something I continue to do even now. Music is the voice in which I express emotion, and those around me can see it. I often wondered if sharing music with me affected my brother as much as it did me so I asked him if he remembered. He told me that it was in those months of sharing with me trying to help me get through dad’s death that he himself found something in the world left worth living for, love. I cannot think of a better testament to not only the bond, but the healing music can create.
I took music classes the entire time I was in school; belonged to the marching band, jazz band and orchestra. Most of my spare time spent immersed in music. I play three woodwinds, violin, piano, and took drum lessons in order to understand percussion better. I had worked hard enough to earn scholarships. Because of an accident that left me seeing a neurologist for three months during the latter part of my high schooling, coupled with an earlier accident that had broken my back I lost the opportunity to use any scholarship. Now my focus had to change in order to survive the loss of what I had worked so hard to obtain. When I came face to face with the dream of higher education lost, I found solace in my music. I went to Jazz festivals, concerts and music fares, met my daughters father at one (he was a drummer) and shared music daily. Music truly plays an ongoing role in my...

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