American Male Pig. Essay

1299 words - 5 pages

Today in this great country of ours, there is an animal that stalks the face of our land. An animal that'll stop at very little to obtain it's nightly goal. Some women have unjustly classified this animal a Land Shark, along with an assortment of other colorful names. Little do the women of this country realize that these animals have banned together to form a national coalition. I, along with most males above the age of consent, am a proud and very active member. Our covert organization is called American Male Pigs. Our slogan to all other males and future males, is:'Get AMPed'Our purpose is to educate the present, and future male populations, so that they might be better able to distinguish between the different types of females and notify all other members of their findings.Everyone is unique. However, most women can be herded into three basic groups. Those groups are:Those who do,Those who don't,and those who do, that you won't do.The last group and by far the least important, are those who would do Anything with Anyone that you won't do. These women aren't usually very attractive. They are more often than not, quite heavy. They are NOT desirable. These are the women, who after you've been drinking heavily all night, at 2:00 A.M. still don't look good. You can see them lined up at the exit to every bar, looking quite sad, lonely and pathetic at closing time, hoping and praying to get lucky. Unfortunately this hefty flock is usually good in bed. Logic of course would dictate that they would have to be, or else they know they would NEVER get anything otherwise.The other type of third class women that aren't usually identified until it's too late, are the 'FATAL ATTRACTION' type. They'll do anything you ask, whenever you ask, but in return you unknowingly give up your soul. These are without a doubt the most hazardous of women, and must be immediately identified.The second section is a strange breed indeed. Those who won't. Won't what, they won't do anything with anyone. We have all met these. Usually stuck up, with an air of conceit, grandiosity and Supreme BITCH all rolled up into one HOT, tight-assed little package. These are not hard to find. Most seem to ooze out of the woodwork. The only purpose we can find for these prudes is to PISS males off. A lot of these women will talk to you, some might actually date you. Beware of these dates!You buy your date dinner, maybe a show, then when it comes to a kiss good night, they turn into the Ice Queen. Or even better yet...The date's going fine and you're getting along great. You figure that something must be wrong because everything is going so wonderfully smooth. Finally you make a move. She accepts it. The two of you are getting real cozy. She starts groping places, you follow her lead. She turns things very, very personal. You're all worked up now and feel the time is right. Suddenly she stops you and asks you what kind of a girl you think she is. By now you know. She's a Bitch and a Tease. If...

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