I don’t have days like this often. Normally I sleep very little and am very productive when I’m awake. Most of the time, I’m working, whether that is a case or a pretty girl doesn’t really matter, both can easily catch and hold my attention. When not working, I tend to be training to keep my skills up. I’m not getting any younger and although I never lose and would never admit it out loud, the fights are getting tougher. But my main love now is cooking; tending to my garden with my fruits and vegetables and herbs and then experimenting in the kitchen. Most people think it’s strange that someone like me can take the time to care for and nurture a garden but I love it. It’s one of the reasons I will always live in a house with a big yard and not a tiny little apartment, well that and I like to have lots of space, plenty of places I can roam about in the middle of the night when the rest of the world is asleep.
But then every once in a while a day like today will come along. I wish I had some indication it was coming or could figure out why I get like this. But no matter how hard I try to figure it out I just can’t come up with an answer. Last night I slept for, well, who knows how long. Today, I don’t want to get out of bed. I’ve buried my head in my pillow and plan to ignore the world outside my door all day.
I do worry about the team and what will happen if they get into a situation where they need me while I’m off hibernating. Most days that thought alone is usually enough to force me to get up and keep going, but not today. I love them, more than I’ll ever admit out loud. They have become my family and I would hate myself is something happened to them, but I just can’t seem to make myself move. Why do I always have to be the one standing in front of the bullets? Why do I always make it my job to make sure everyone else is okay? Why can’t I just let them stand on their own two feet, after all it isn’t like they’re helpless?
Parker has some amazing strength and if she caught me off guard I have no doubt she’d be able to knock me down, her choke hold is amazing. Hardison, okay, maybe he couldn’t fight but I’m sure he could talk himself out of almost any situation since he can talk himself into almost any situation. If all else failed I’m sure he’d hack something and cause enough of a commotion that his assailants would get distracted and he could run away. I know Nate can handle himself, he’s proved that more than once and Sophie, sweet innocent, butter wouldn’t melt Sophie. She could probably talk two bad guys into killing each other rather than her, or more likely, she’d have them worshiping at her feet rather than hurting her. The team will be fine without me, they’ll survive, I know this. I don’t like the feeling of not being needed, but I know they would find ways to survive and adapt if I wasn’t around; if I decided to stay in this bed forever.
But I know I would never forgive myself if something did happen to them and I wasn’t there to...