BENEFITS OF BEING A WOMAN
We got off the Titanic first.
We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
We never ejaculate prematurely.
We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
We can cry and get off speeding fines.
We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
Taxis stop for us.
We live longer, so we can be cantankerous old biddies wearing inappropriate clothes and shouting at strangers......
Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
Free drinks, free dinners.
We absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone being suspect of our sexuality.
We can hug our friends without wondering if they're gay.
We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
If we're not making enough money we can blame the glass ceiling.
It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her butt.
If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
We have the ability to dress ourselves.
We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're well aware that we look like an idiot.
There are times when chocolate really can solve all our problems.
We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra.
We'll never regret piercing our ears.
STAGES OF A WOMAN � S LIFE
Age 3 : Looks at herself and sees a queen!
Age 8: Looks at herself and sees herself as Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty.
Age 15: Looks at herself and sees herself as Fat/Pimples/UGLY (Mom, I can't go to school looking like this!)
Age 20: Looks at herself and sees too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly-- but decides she's going anyway.
Age 30: Looks at herself and sees too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly -- but decides she doesn't have time to fix it so she's going anyway.
Age 40: Looks at herself and sees too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly -- but says, At least...