Christmas In July Essay

1213 words - 5 pages

Christmas in July.These days we live in may in fact be real. However, I fail to see how these nights could have ever happened. Ever.I watched a blue jay get impaled by a putter° that day. Then get chipped eight feet into the side of the neighbor's house. For some reason it was funny to me; a bird getting putted by a crazy red-haired bastard with a cigarette struck me as something to laugh at. The loud tanned kid with mutant fingers saw it, but he wasn't wearing a shirt. The corpse rotted next to that house for the next week. We just flicked cigarettes at it.The grill was hot; ready to cook a chunk of meat of any size, with any garnish, and from any origin. The black grill with Penis etched on the handle fell under the "˜stolen or given to' category, like three quarters of our house.Maybe more.(Future reference: item° = "˜stolen or given to') The meat° tasted good, but would more than likely make my shit sink straight to the bottom of the bowl.I think there might have been a barrel° that night, maybe a few cases of the lady on the moon°, maybe even an enhanced glass of V8°. I can't remember. I do remember sitting on our picnic table° - which should have been repainted a month ago "“ with some strange intoxicated citizens were smoking bud and wanted to share. It was the bud that created the idea. It was an idea powered by faith, backed by the birth of Jesus Christ. We needed a Christmas tree. Not in December, but now. It was going to be a symbol for all those who visited Mr. Daniels in the quest for intoxicants: "We like buddy Christ, and we fucking rule." It manifested into a working plan faster than any motivated college student could ever accomplish. Our shit was together. An orange handled saw° was in the fist of a known Level 9 Ultima Online Fighter in a matter of seconds. Other random drunks raised their glasses° and shouted gibberish in support of this holy crusade. I ran inside and grabbed my small device used for freezing moments in time only to exploit them at a later date. I think I was wearing shoes° at the time as well.Where would the holiest out-of-season Christmas tree come from? Not even our drunken cruise captain would know that. Neighbors that may have been awake and creeping would have witnessed 4 shadowed figures stroll down the middle of the road; nowhere near a straight line, then suddenly stop and stare in the direction of a 9 foot Austrian Pine.It seemed to glow when I saw it, and I knew it was the one. So did the man with the saw°. He attacked the tree like it was Charlie himself, laughing and sawing at the same time. I flashed a few pictures, and the tree came crashing down. We ran like bandits across the blacktop, carrying our Divine symbol of Drunkenness°. The scenery changed into the backyard of some upstanding civilian's property - when the good turned bad. I flashed a...

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