Evolution of the Motorcycle Rider
My first motorcycle was a Kawasaki Eliminator 250 street bike. I consider it to have been my training bike, and it was somewhat generic in the sense that it was not easily identifiable as a member of a specific style of motorcycle. And, more importantly, by associating with other riders, I realized that I was not easily identifiable as a member of a specific class of riders. Riders are a species all their own; and, though there are many sub-classes within a class, observation has shown that three main branches of evolution can account for most riders.
The cruiser (Homo Draggusanus) variety is most often seen riding a vintage Harley or Indian-made motorcycle. He rides very low to the ground in a Ralph-Machio-crane-kick-like position-arms high and outstretched, knees bent, feet level with buttocks. Most cruisers are between thirty-five and sixty years old, but they always look fifty. If one is wearing a helmet at all, it is a small, open-faced helmet covering little more than the crown of his head. The helmet may contain a variety of markings, such as skulls with crossbones, or "Freedom" stickers that tend to match tattoos adorning the rider. The cruiser may have several metal objects hanging from various parts of his body, and he usually has matted facial hair that ranges from one-quarter inches to twelve inches in length. Members of this class also wear tattered bandanas, studded leather vests or jackets, "Born to Ride" T-shirts, or leather boots with spikes. Physically, the cruiser is generally unfit, with dark skin that is somehow both wrinkled and taut, and rotting, tobacco-stained teeth. Though most cruisers are docile unless provoked, a permanent scowl serves to warn would-be assailants that they are not ones to tangle with. Cruisers usually ride alone or in large, slow-moving groups and are best observed from a distance. They can most often be seen traveling on deserted highways or socializing in rural cafés or icehouses.
The sportster (Homo Crotchrocketus) is a sleek creature that is most often seen riding a Kawasaki Ninja or Suzuki Katana.In order to decrease air resistance, members of this class ride face down in the fetal position. Sportsters are younger than the average cruiser, ranging in age from eighteen to thirty. They move so swiftly that they are very rarely seen; like the firefly, the sportster may be seen in one's peripheral...