Clunge Essay

1577 words - 6 pages

Quotes from Series 3 Jay: Morning Benders, jump in the minge mobile. Will: Strange thing to call your mums car.Simon: Hang on, have you had the left ear pierced? Jay: Yes Simon: Aint that the one you get pierced to show you're gay? Jay: FUCK OFF Neil: Oh yeah that is the gay one Jay: Well there's a quick way to tell Neil, which ear's your dad got pierced? Neil: Neither cos he's not bent! Simon: Course notJay: You? Who wants a model that looks like a spotty baby crossed with the Statue of Liberty? Jay: Oh, I'm gonna have to go, got a missed call from Ralph Lauren.Jay: Alright Yves Saint Leponce what's going on here then? Simon: Neil's getting me in shit. Neil: They've put a curtain up so we can't see the clunge, it'stotally sexist Jay: Ahh the craft fuckers, they tried this when we did the school play, we just cut a hole in the curtain and stuck our knobs through it, it was well horny, we was getting noshed off in between scenes.Jay: Oh well done you've mastered walking like a knob and looking like a dick at the same time. Simon: This is actually enjoyable, in a 'I'm shitting myself' kind of way Neil: If you've shit yourself in them trousers I aint touching them Simon: Of course I haven't Neil: You walk like you haveWill: Bit over dramatic, it's only a bollockJay: Alright gays? Neil: How's your ear Jay? Jay: Perfect, that's why I've got to wear this massive bandage. Neil: Oh, I suppose that's your modelling career fucked then. Will: He never had a modelling career! Jay: Yeah but I'm not bothered, cos I fucked the nurse that looked after me. Will: The St. Johns Ambulance lady? Jay: Yes! Simon: Isn't she Warren Duncan's nan? Jay: No there was another one who looked like Lucy Pinder. Will: Course there was.Jay: So I had one bent over the table here, there was one up here who I was fingering and I was just toe fucking the one on the floor. Will: So when do we get to meet these lucky ladies? Jay: You can't, they've gone back to the playboy mansion.Neil: Jay was telling us about them birds he pulled in Norfolk. Jays Dad: Oh right was he? Jay: Yeah, you remember them, right dad? Jays Dad: Well he's a total bullshitter then, cos the only pussy he's ever touched was his mums when he fell out of it.Jay: When I say I'm gonna deliver, I fucking deliver. Will: Like a postman with Tourettes?Will: A few years ago i went to see King Kong at the cinema, now I'm on a date with her!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Simon: Its YOUR spunk!! Neil: but it's YOUR car! Simon: What...so if I spunked in your face it would be yours? Will: No one would get fingered for a bet Jay... with the possible exception of your sister. Jay: Take that back Will: You're right I do take that back, on the other hand your mum would probably get fingered for a packet of biscuits. Simon: You wet the bed when you were 10 Jay: Yeah I wet your mums bed...with my spunk Jay: Have you had a wank over Will's mum? Will:...

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