Communication Styles Between The Genders Essay

1068 words - 4 pages

In "Sex, Lies, and Conversation: Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?" an article that appeared in the Washington Post, Deborah Tannen analyzes the different conversational styles men and women have and how these differences frequently lead to misunderstandings when men and women communicate with one another. The differences she discusses include childhood interactions, body language, conversational topics, listener noises, and public versus private conversation. The beginning of men and women's different conversational styles can be traced back to different childhood interactions with peers. Little girls develop friendships through conversation, particularly by sharing secrets. Instead of developing friendships through conversation, boys create friendships through doing things together. Men and women also have different ways they talk in private versus in public. Women are less conversational in public because of the fear of offending others or acting like a show off. However, at home they are at ease and feel more open to conversation. Men are more conversational in public because of the relation to the world in which they live in. At home, men execute the need to shelter his position, so the wife talks more and he talks less, but out in public men (husbands) are more talkative.Tannen believes, communication misunderstandings based on gender differences are a major cause of problems in marriages. In an observational study, Tannen also found that the tenth grade boys sat on angles from each other and looked elsewhere in the room, glancing at each other from time to time. Women, on the other hand, face each other and make eye contact when having a conversation. Tannen notes that the body language men displayed can frustrate women because it gives them the idea that the men are not listening to them. Another difference in conversational styles is the fact that women sometimes make listener-noises to express that they are paying attention, such as "mhm, "uhuh, and "yeah". Men, on the other hand, do not usually use such cues and listen silently. Women find this silence to be frustrating because they believe the men are not paying attention to them; men find the women's listener cues to mean the women are increasingly edgy or interrupting. Often times, both genders take the communication styles of their gender for granted and mistakenly assume that the opposite gender also communicates in the same way. This is what leads to tension. In order to avoid this tension, one may wish to treat gender communication style differences with the same respect as cultural differences. One is not considered better than the other, just separate and different. By viewing gender differences as cross-cultural differences, tension will be avoided and communication will increase.I found Tannen's theories highly interesting and relevant to the field of human services, since communication is key to so may of our client interactions. In order to...

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