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Confession's Afterward Essay

1401 words - 6 pages

Unconscious to the speaker, it had not been the question that had shocked him.

It was the manner in which it was asked, unfortunately, and as is typical in all truisms, a misinterpreted look of utter confusion (maybe even repulsion?) sends one's world crashing down into itself, waves of despair wracking through the body and the only option left is to run.

To run and escape the intolerable pain one feels after throwing caution into the wind and taking a gamble- to run and free one's self from the manacles that had once tapered the now crushed heart. Run and erase the memory and humiliation endured, and to avoid the laughter that would surely follow. Run towards security and protection, so ...view middle of the document...

But you know, better than anyone, that he is different. He is caring (deep inside, anyway), and funny (in a twisted, demonic sense) and smart (in an evil, conniving way) and he's everything you've always wanted to be.

It's funny and ironic that he's completely encompassed your dreams and you finally realize what you really, truly wanted and he's the first and only one to completely stamp and crush any hope you may have once had.

Empty and lifeless, you subconsciously push your two best (and damn near first) friends away; you see the love they share, despite their joint efforts to conceal it from you. You see the looks that pass between them, the gentle touch when they think you aren't looking, and it makes you sick. You want them gone, because they have what you wanted, and they're inadvertently flaunting it in your face.

Everyone becomes the enemy.

You blatantly ignore your happy mother because you know how in love she is with your father- even if it doesn't show all the time. After all, you're their son, and maybe it was their fault all along, for it is their genes that made you unattractive and unappealing.

…but it doesn't compare to how you treat her. All she managed to say was a cheery Good Morning Sena-kun before you went completely off tangent, and criticized her for her 'foolish feelings' and 'silly beliefs'. You lied and told her you never liked her, and probably never would. You left her crying, but still she smiled weakly at you as you walked away, because she thinks that maybe, just a little, she can understand, because love is the biggest hypocrite of them all.

Leaving your only slightly repaired heart on the floor- a broken, partially solved puzzle- you choose seclusion. Eating alone, living alone, walking to school alone, it only adds to reasons it's your fault after all. You aren't likable, you are repulsive. Nothing was ever about you, it was a sordid twist of fate that for the first time in your short and meaningless life, you managed to make friends, and only shortly after push them away cruelly. You were destined to be alone forever and ever and ever.

Sitting in class, you stare out the window, ignoring the concerned stares you feel piercing your back. Despite your malice towards them all, they still show friendly concern. You feel a small twinge of guilt (possibly regret?) but it pales in comparison to the big, gaping hole he left in you.

You hear their plans that will go unfulfilled to 'get back at him.' And you feel your heart break apart a little more.

You avoid all lunch areas where they can find you, and once again isolate yourself, because you are meant to be alone, (just like before) and there can be no more denying fate. You hear their calls for you, hear the...

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