I wake up every morning feeling sick. Like someone has ripped a part of me away. I know what I need, but I don’t have the money to buy it. Heroin is very expensive, but it’s worth the price as long as I have the money. I haven’t had a job in over four months. My money has run out. I collect scrap metal to make enough money to buy the supplies I need to make drugs. Heroin has become too expensive so now I have to rely on krokadil to give me my high. It has the same feel as heroin, but terrible effects on my body.
Krokadil is a drug I can make out of codeine, gasoline, paint thinner, hydrochloric acid, iodine, and the red phosphorous from matchbox strike pads. I cook it together and then inject it into my veins. It such a great feeling, but I know I’m harming my body. If I keep this up I’m only going to live around two years before the krokadil eats me from the inside out. I haven’t even been on it very long and I’ve already noticed swelling around my arms where I inject it and sores are starting to appear.
My husband left me a few years ago. I guess he couldn’t stand to watch me waste all of our money on drugs. My mom and dad couldn’t stand to see me high all the time. They tried to put me in rehab but I refused. I told them I could stop any time I wanted to, even though I knew that wasn’t true. They moved away and I haven’t seen them in five years. They used to call me, but I don’t have a phone anymore because I can’t afford it. My life has completely fallen apart and I feel helpless.
Right now I live in an abandoned building with my best friend. She helps me get the drugs I need. She loans me money when I need it. She knows I’m not going to be able to pay her back. Today she is going to go to work at the gas station down the road and I’m going to do what I always do. Shoot some krokadil in my veins and then go over the hill and see if I can find any scrap metal to make some money. I’m almost out of codeine so I need to go buy some either today or tomorrow.
As I head down over the hill I’m feeling great. Like there is nothing in the world like can bring me down. I see a few pieces of metal that I was too lazy to bring up with me the last time. I’ve...