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Differences Between The Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse And Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument In Resolving Conflict In Couples’ Relationships

2548 words - 10 pages

The primary objective of this research is to find out the differences between The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument in resolving conflict in couples’ relationships and the more effective model to overcome the conflict. A conflict arrises when two or more people perceive incompatible goals and values. There are common for couples to have conflicts and disagreements because every one of us hold different values and beliefs. Financial problem, jealousy, job or even a very simple things will lead to a conflict between a couples. We cannot prevent it unless we do not have perception and emotion. However, the styles we deal with the conflict will definitely affect our relationship with our partner. To protect our relationship, we have to know some conflict resolution skills. If the right skill is used will help a lot in maintaining the relationship between a couple. Analysis of previous research found that The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse help many people and couples to identified and resolve their problem and it is well known in couples therapy. This approach is useful to describe the communication patterns between the couples and predict the problems of the relationship. Besides, research also showed that understand your style to deal with conflict is also effective. Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument can help you to identify the style you deal with conflict and it has been a leader in conflict resolution assessment for more than 30 years. This approach can help you to know how to create a solution when you argue with your partner by understanding your conflict-handling style.
The four horsemen of apocalypse(TFH) model is developed by Dr. John Gottman of University of Washington. He is a Ph. D. psychologist and a famous marriage researchers. He is also the Executive Director of the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle, Washington and he is very successful in helping couples to resolve their problems. He has more than 30 years of experience in marital stability and relationship analysis. He has reviewed almost all the past research for marriage counseling, determined the validity of those findings by scientifically research and developed the procedures due to his research. Based on his study in 1998, he created the TFH model that can predict whether couples can maintain their relationship or break apart. There is surprise because his model can predict very accurately and up to 96%.
The four horsemen actually represent the four stages which are conquest, war, hunger, and death in the end of times in the New Testament. Dr. John Gottman uses the four stages as a metaphor to describe communication styles in a relationship. According to his model, the four horsemen in a relationship are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. We can understand our problems and the solutions to overcome the conflict by this model. Usually, therapist who follows this model will give the clients a...

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