Assignment 2 – Essay Plan Feedback
Note: this is in addition to the comments in the body of the essay plan.
The following is provided with a view towards improving your final essay submission. If you need to clarify any of the suggestions or have further questions, please contact me via email. I also suggest drawing on the resources of us all as group via the discussion board—sometimes engaging in providing responses as well as asking questions there can help.
The approach and argument is well-formulated but the argument is needing some further development and specificity. It is overly broad and could be narrowed down to a more specific context.
It could be more challenging, to allow for more in-depth discussion and analysis and to demonstrate your learning from this unit and from your research.
The essay plan appears well-structured, but does need more thought and work...
There is much more room for work on outlining your essay so that the subtopics are clearly defined and streamlined to address the research question and support your thesis.
I noticed that you have not explicitly addressed power, economy, identity or community, which is understandable, given that the plan was due before these topics were scheduled. Do think about how some of the points you have raised might lend themselves to considering any of these dimensions and restructure your essay accordingly [maybe select an example].
The sources do need to be bulked up with more academic sources. Draw from the readings listed in the topic guide and work on finding scholarly or respectable sources that will help develop and support your analysis.
WHERE TO GO FROM HERE:
I suggest working on sharpening your thesis so that you are overtly connecting to economy and activating a more precise argument. This will help to construct an effective structure that will help your argument unfold.
Final Mark & Grade:
ESSAY PLAN ASSESSMENT
My topic from module one:
My broader topic:
My essay thesis:
The manner in which music is consumed and experienced has recently undergone a tremendous digital revolution, the benefits of this revolution have been disproportionately distributed between the consumers, the online mediums and artists themselves. Comment by Leanne McRae: A good topic. But let’s see if we can craft a more precise thesis statement. For example:Digitisation of music has enabled sharing sites to exploit the economic outcomes of artists and creators.
My introductory paragraph explaining my approach:
My thesis will be primarily supported by the works of Giletti (2011) and Goldberg (2009) whilst being further corroborated by various other authorities on the topic to demonstrate the relationship between mMusic, cCommunity and the iInternet in everyday life. To substantiate my thesis, I will use a variety of music streaming applications and other mediums as case studies to demonstrate the inequality of benefit that artists and consumers...