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Draft Essay

632 words - 3 pages

After reading your essay, your conversation is clear that you establish the connection between each paragraph. You are making progress on your work. In you first paragraph, I will suggest you to add a subheading title as “Introduction” that helps readers to understand what they read. In your paragraph, I will change the subheading title as “Cyber Threats.” When I was reading this paragraph, this paragraph is telling me what cyber threats are and how hackers interrupts networks. Here is your spelling mistakes. For instance, hackers posses online tools to develop malicious viruses, malwares, and any other software to commit online crimes, with websites such as Virstest and Blackhole popular among the perpetrators. In your third paragraph, this paragraph is informative about antivirus that tell readers how to choose appropriate antivirus and how to avoid threats. Overall, it is a good paragraph with informative examples. In your fourth paragraph, I will suggest you to explain what URL and TCP/IP are. If readers are not computer major, they may not understand these terms. In addition, you can add a real life example if computer users go on Internet with http. How hackers interrupt your network with http? It can help you to develop your essay. In your fifth paragraph, it is too general to talk about changing passwords regularly. I will suggest to add examples what secure password are. You can also have some examples about password in bank systems. Here is some information that can help you. http://www.hsbc.ca/1/2/personal/banking/ways-to-bank/security-device
In your sixth paragraph, you have couples unknown subjects such as many people. You should specifically write who those people are because readers would be confused. Moreover, “The second way is more difficult since it will be necessary to physically access the phone to remove the Subscriber...

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