Divorce has many victims; they do not fall under a specific category and do not target a specific gender, age, race, or ethnicity. The effect of divorce on children differs from the effect on the spouses. The reasons for divorce are endless; they have many side effects on the spouses but most importantly affect the children. Divorce is one of the main reasons for disruption in our communities. Regardless of the reason, divorce always harms the children’s decisions, personalities, and futures.
The rate of divorced parents is growing daily according to divorcestatistic.org, the divorce rate in America for the first marriage is between 41 and 50 percent. Divorce does not only happen between ...view middle of the document...
Being defensive then leads to stonewalling or shutting down, which is why communication between any couple usually dies out.
Stonewalling occurs when one spouse says something the other may reject for example, “I can’t believe, he or she is saying this” and “Why don’t you understand?” (Psych page, Gottman Research). This then leads to contempt, which occurs when one of the spouses thinks that the other is attacking them, being mean or harsh when they could be saying something to benefit them or trying to explain their point of view. In my experience, being calm, listening before speaking and having an understanding of how the other person thinks makes things easier to communicate and avoid fights. Majority of the time couples tend to take advice or a conversation as an attack and therefore leading them to both become defensive.
In any relationship arguing, defensiveness and stonewalling will lead to the loss of intimacy. As stated by Dr. Sidney in her article “Intimacy in Marriage”, a marriage without intimacy is still a marriage, but does not fulfill its original purpose. In a relationship, there should always be both emotional and physical intimacy. Intimacy is the fuel that keeps a marriage running smoothly, a marriage without intimacy is like a car resting on a block in the backyard, it is a car, but it is no longer serving the purpose. The lack of both emotional and physical intimacy leads to the couple drifting apart, losing interest in one another and eventually divorce.
In emotional intimacy, both companions should be an open book in front of each other, in other words transparent. They do this by being willing to share their dreams, hopes, fears, insecurities, inadequacies, strengths and weaknesses. (“Intimacy in Marriage”, Dr. Langston) Being emotionally intimate does not always happen in relationships and marriages. In this case pushes the companions further away from each other building blocks in the relationship, which destroys communication. Physical intimacy is a celebration of everlasting love in the boundaries of marriage. When two individuals marry, their bodies are no longer theirs they belong to one another. Meaning these individuals should not deprive one another of sexual fulfillment.
If sexual fulfillment is deprived the individuals tend to look somewhere else to fulfill their needs, which is considered cheating. Cheating is deceiving the other individual in the relationship or marriage, which leads to division, separation, and or divorce. In order to be transparent and honest in a relationship communication, both verbally and physically are important. When intimacy is not present in a relationship, the relationship tends to have a breakdown and so do the individuals in the relationship and tend to pull away from each other, affecting the stability of the relationship leading to more arguing and ending up with divorce.
Parents fighting in front of their children can scar them for life. Meaning, the memories of the...