Ethics: Views On Cutting Essay

1001 words - 5 pages

I clutched the steak knife in my hand, as I felt the blood trickling down my arm. My eyes felt wet and my heart was heavy. I almost felt empty minded. It was like a dream, where all I felt was numbness. However, like all good dreams; It had to come to an end. In a panic, I started checking my arm, and only seeing the open wounds that would later become scars. A month before, I found out that people actually did lacerate themselves on purpose and all I could do is ask myself why. Why would someone actually want to mutilate themselves? I promised myself I would be the exception, and I would never do it. Yet, here I was doing exactly that.
My ethics are usually more important to me than this, but cutting gave me the relief I was seeking. Could I really give up relief just because my ethics didn't approve? Then there became the answer of what if somebody found out? My ethical dilemma was either to keep going, soothe myself, or to stop,not injure my own body, and find a different way to handle my stress. Soon, I decided the risk was worth it, and that I could continue cutting. It was the easier thing to do.
Even though, I couldn't show anybody doesn't mean I didn't wear it like a prize. In that first three weeks, was probably the happiest I have ever acted. I eventually confided in a couple of individuals, which I shouldn't have. They got the great idea that maybe, just maybe, it could help them too. Some just tried it, and I know others who take pride in it. They use it as an attention getter. My best friend hasn't stopped cutting since she started. Her reasoning for starting was, "Well, it helped you, so.." I created more of a serious ripple then I thought I would. Seeing others breaking their own value for some sort of relief, made me realize that the pain wasn't disappearing. It was just being forced upon other people.
I remember seeing other people's scars on the internet, and I was sort of envious because I didn't have the nerve to go that far. I thought the scars were beautiful, and decorative. How could their be anything wrong with something that made your arms pretty and your mind vaccinate? Somehow, I knew this thinking was wrong, but I was convincing myself slowly that this was okay...
My cuts got deeper though, as well as I created more. There was a time, I cut myself more than 50 times a day. I WISH I was exaggerating. My thoughts turned darker, and lead to suicide. I got scared, and I had a plan so no one would stop me. I was going to isolate myself so no one could stop me, and write letters to people who...

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