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How It Feels To Be Angry Me

1333 words - 5 pages

Nesha JacksonProfessor VarlackEnglish 1022/17/2014How it Feels to Be Angry MeQuiet at first impression, others who do not know me think I am sweet, nice and kind. Little do they know, I was and still am angry. I was so angry to the point where there was no limitations on the hurtful words that came out my mouth towards others. The phrase, "Think before you speak", flew right out the window the day I had realized I was an angry soul. When I say angry soul, I meant everything and everyone angered me. The littlest things could have sent me into a rampage of anger and I do not have the slightest idea why. Almost as if I had become a savage animal raging inside a cage to get out and rip everyone limb from limb. I remember certain confrontations that has opened my eyes and everyone's eyes to how dark my heart had become because of years of suppressed anger.Throughout my younger years of life my parents suffered through a nasty divorce. A divorce can put a strain on any child's happiness, let alone what it did to myself. The divorce as a whole wasn't why I became angry. I observed the anger and bitter behavior that my father would show my mother for no reason at all and I began to soak it in like a sponge. I wondered if my father's influence had anything to do with how angry I had become. When my father becomes angry I can almost see myself within him. My father's angry explosions was like taking a glimpse into the future. The pulsing rage in his eyes dark with the lust of hurting those close to him, was one of the scariest, yet thrilling experiences of my life. My father had power and control over others that I wanted to possess when it came to being angry. Imitating my father has left a sour taste in my mother's mouth now, because every time I lash out in such a bitter way my mother tells me I act just like him. When the words came from my mother's mouth, I sit and contemplate asking myself the one question that comes to mind. Did she divorce my father because of the angry streak that runs through his blood? The same blood that runs in his blood runs in mine. Could the angry me be hereditary? Did I catch the angry streak too, and if so, would she divorce her own child too? These are the questions that swam through my head on a day to day basis unanswered.For one thing, my anger escalated with age after the divorce between my parents. The usual current events happen after every divorce. First comes the resentment stage towards one parent that you feel caused the divorce. Second comes the guilt of maybe it was all my fault. I begin to back track events, situations and fights of everything that I could have done wrong. Third comes the chat between both parents explaining that it is not my fault, which just increases the anger building because deep down I truly believe it is my fault. My parents' divorce is as much my fault as day turns into night. The final stage of an ugly divorce that takes place, is co-existence. This truly begins my quest of such an...

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