Friendship - A Bond of Love and Hate
Sarah and I had a fight about two weeks ago. We hadn’t fought in a while so we were due for a battle. Sarah complained that a girl at my party was “talking about her,” and, obviously, if I was a real friend, I should have kicked her out. Funny thing is I wouldn’t have kicked the girl out even if I had known that she was talking about Sarah. This, in turn, caused Sarah to tell that she hated me and never wanted to speak to me again. And, before you know it, we were the stars of our own episode of (insert title of melodramatic television show here). I started running around my house, idiotic and drunk, proclaiming that Sarah was the stupidest bitch I’ve ever met--well, I said a whole slew of bad words much worse than that but I’m trying to keep this clean--and that she needs to be run over by a bus, while Sarah ran up my street chasing her boyfriend (a subplot I won’t dare mention here) and text messaging me to let me know that I was a lying piece of garbage. And, folks, this was just the beginning.
I often relate my friendship to Sarah to the short story “Bartleby the Scrivener” by Herman Melville. Simply summed up, the story is about an unique friendship between two men that has a profound impact on each of their lives—a classic story of the one that gave too much and the one who could not help but to give too little. In my experience with Sarah, this role taking tends to rotate back and forth, which makes our friendship exciting, bewildering and, ultimately, both challenging and rewarding.
To say that Sarah’s friendship has had an impact on my life would be like saying the Grand Canyon is a large gash in a rock that happens to be pretty. She has helped shape who I am and taught me remarkable lessons about love and hate. I have known her for over ten years and we have what is often termed an on-again off-again friendship. Our “ons” are full of uplifting and enriching experiences, making wonderful memories that I know I will never forget.
Our “offs,” however, are comical masterpieces that anybody with common sense and maturity could never produce.
Sarah and I fight and we fight a lot. Some would probably term our friendship as unhealthy and disturbing—maybe even frightening. For the most part, we do nothing but yammer unkind words about each other and constantly complain about some aspect of the other’s personality.
Our most memorable fight to date has been the Sizzle/Creeker War of 2001-2 (yes, we have to title our fights or else we get confused). How this war was started I couldn’t tell you. I tend to block the beginning periods of our fights from my memory. If I am correct it had to do with her making new friends and concert tickets. In any event, my first assault of the war happened when I publicized my theory that Sarah wasn’t human, but a food product—the fat of bacon, or Bacon Fat, to be exact. I said that her friends were food products as well: Pancake, Hash Brown, Meatball—ok, that...