Humorous Wedding Speech by a Friend of the Groom
Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen. My name is Robert.
As they were speaking just now, it struck me how much David and his new father-in-law now have in common. After all, it's the first time in 25 years that Arthur has been able to speak for 10 minutes without interruption from the women in his family. And it'll be the last time in 25 years that David gets to do the same. So I sincerely hope he treasures this moment.
But it is great to finally see David with a ring on his finger as he learned a long time ago that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. So Pamela, was it the 101 red roses he sent to your office that made you give in?
However, before Pamela accepted David's proposal of marriage, she wanted to clarify a few things. In particular, she wanted to limit the amount of football he was watching on TV. Well, thank goodness they managed to sort it out. In the end, David agreed that he would stop watching any game as soon as the last goal was scored.
So there can be no argument about who’ll be wearing the trousers in David and Pamela’s house. David will be wearing them - right under his apron. You see, Pamela has already started to train David well - and it may surprise some of you to hear that she didn't have to start by showing him where the kitchen was. She actually had to explain to him what the kitchen was. But progress has been steady, and I hear David's baked beans on toast is a dish par excellence. But since his culinary repertoire never extended much further, they arrived at a sensible arrangement whereby Pamela cooks and David washes up. Although David has high hopes that someone here today will have purchased either choice of washing-up machine on their wedding list - the electric Zanussi for Pamela or £5.00 per hour for David.
He seems happy enough,...