Humorous Wedding Speech by the Groom
Thank you for your kind words, I am very proud to be your son-in-law; I hope I can live up to your expectations. I would sincerely like to thank you for welcoming me into your family, for bringing up such a lovely daughter, and for giving me your blessing to marry her.
In addition. due to the number of phone calls between my wife and her mom, the phone company would also like to thank you both.
On this date in history in 1889 the Boer War ended, and maybe after my speech you'll think it's started again, although this day will go down in history as the day you all heard the best ever speech. It will be read shortly by one of my best men.
It is said that a great speech has a good beginning, a good ending, and most importantly, the two are as close together as possible.
(Have a thick wad of paper in hand)
(Unfold notes, pause, and smile at all tables)
That, of course, was a cracker of a speech of my own worked out for you today, but as I am now married, my wife has handed this to me to read instead. (To the father-in-law) By the way, I haven't forgotten, I'll sign that receipt for you (Produce bit of paper with the writing on saying)
Received, one daughter in perfect condition, full- guaranteed. Care note: gets bored easily keep busy with constant supply of chores. Comes complete with all extras. (My favorite’s the nurse’s uniform).
Not to be outdone though my dad also has a receipt for my wife to sign. It reads: (Again, pull out anothier bit of paper)
Received, one son, sold as seen, no refunds under any circumstances. We've redecorated the room and changed the locks so you're stuck with him. Care Notes: dehydrates easily, top up regularly with beer.
I would now personally like to thank the best men. I have been best man to both of them and now its my turn to go from the witness box to the dock - I bet my wife brings that up for the next fifty years. They have been a tower of strength throughout the proceedings, as through my life, and what better way to reward them as to let them get me back for the speeches I did at their weddings. I'd like to give these to you. (Hand gifts to them)
On behalf of my wife and I, we would like to thank the rest of you for your “presence” in both senses, of the word, and for...