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Growing Up As An Abused Child And Trying To Overcome The Devastating Effects Of Abuse.

1249 words - 5 pages

Growing up in the 70's was like being plunged into a wild, raging sea without a life jacket.All the kids my age were experimenting, trying to find themselves,and enjoying the peace movement.Me, I was trying to do the same thing, but in a totally different way. I didn't experiment with drugs, I wasn't Miss Popular, my parents weren't "loaded", and I definitely needed and wanted to find peace...an inner peace,my place of belonging.I was the third of six children and it was quite obvious, the least favored of the bunch.Anything that went wrong seemed to always be my fault,even if I wasn't home when it happened!My parents fed me, clothed me, provided shelter and avoided all else, unless it required taking the belt to me.I got the feeling that's how they got their satisfaction, bringing my blood to the surface.The bllod dripping from my back, legs, arms or face didn't hurt as much as the blood that dripped from my heart and continues to do so today. I still hear the words of hate, see the daggered stares and feel the brutal cold hands of love that "raised me".I recall, as if it were yesterday: I was 10 years old and had the hiccups.It was on a Saturday and Dad didn't have to work.He was situated in his shabby, old, brown tweed recliner, watching a fishing show. My hiccups must have been annoying him beyond any degree of reason.He screamed like a wild commanche, "Judy Marie! Get in here!" I knew I my goose was cooked,right then and there and immediately started wailing like he had taken a two by four to me.I drooped my head and, like a beaten down puppy, went to see what he wanted."What have I told you about that?", daddy growled, no hint of a joke in his eyes."Sir?What'd I do, daddy?", I choked."Don't lie to me.I'll beat you slap to death.", he replied quite seriously.There I stood, in a stumper of silence,sobbing in dreaded fear, wondering what I had done, waiting for the hissing sound of his belt being taken from his pants, and feeling the leather rip the flesh from my legs.Suddenly, from no where, my silence was broken by dad's roaring laughter and I was more confused than ever. I didn't understand what so funny. What had I done to make him so mad and then get him to forget it so quickly?"Hey, have you noticed?", Dad asked, slapping my arm jokingly."Sir?". No, I hadn't noticed. I was as lost as a goose in hail storm by this time."Noticed what, daddy?", I sniffled and wiped my dripping nose across the sleeve of my shirt."You ain't got the hiccups any more!", he squeeled with delight.Right there, I fell to my knees,sick to my stomach and my dad thought it was the richest joke in the history of the United States.I was a child, trusting him to love me and take care of me. That's how he chose to fulfill his obligations, being one of the less traumatic experiences.At age sixteen, I had reached the end. Death could not be as bitter as life, I determined.I recallstaring into the dresser mirror, looking at my tear streiked face, holding more than 300 pills...

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