I was never sure if I could trust if the “if you love something let it be free” quote as either ingenious, or one of the most wrong things I’ve ever heard. Ending a relationship with someone you care about can include the same finality and sorrow as the death of someone close to you. All the things imagined and projected into the future, are no longer going to happen anymore. This experience played a major role in a recent chapter of my life and developed like a tiresome plot. For the sake of this reading, I will not choose to be an object of pity when it comes to sharing my story, but to explore the details of this conflict and how it has equipped me with skills and experiences to grow.
To summarize, the two year relationship came to an end when I had discovered her with another guy at a party. While we had both been accepted to the same University, Elisa affirmed she was incapable of commitment during this point in her life; she had something else in mind and I no longer fit in the picture. Communication became scarce and the situation eventually became obscure with a sense of tension, antipathy, and uncertainty. In the meantime, I spent the aftermath rebounding and feeling depressed as Elisa had already moved and had clear interest in other members of our particular social circles.
At the time Elisa’s interests in a relationship had shifted to something new. The reality is she slept with another guy, which indicated in my eyes characteristics of both selfishness and immaturity; and like me has values and obligations I can do nothing about to change. Yet, I had blindly accepted this and was willing to collaborate on the damage that had been done, for my interests remained in preserving a passionate relationship and maintaining the homeostasis of belonging and acceptance together; but did not make light on the fact if it had actually worked, it would merely plant the seeds for its own destruction to happen future, and history would likely repeat itself. At the time these polarized positions were incompatible and led to no outcomes where the structure of the relationship would flourish, but only become more destructive as long as I had an idea of being with her in my head. Elisa began to avoid while I became watchful of any potential change or hope in the situation whether for good or for worse, or ruminating and feeling sorry for myself; forming my role of in this conflict as the ex-boyfriend frantically trying to piece together how to either fix, or accept and cope with such a loss. What I wish I knew at the time, is that there is still a way to maximize both our interests and the resolution on how to leave open the door for change.
Although Elisa’s intention was to muster up the courage to break off the relationship, what actually ended up happening was getting caught on a one night stand while intoxicated and had potential to be a reason for such antipathy and tension; as Elisa is not proud of this mistake, and expressed these feelings of...