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How To End A Relationship Essay

1950 words - 8 pages

Now and again when a couple first gets together and their eyes first meet, there’s a weakness in the knees, and the words that are usually free flowing suddenly come to a halt and all there is to do is just stare and feel as if you knew the person you’re gazing at for their entire life. The couple will laugh, they’ll hold hands, hours upon hours will be spent on the phone, text messages will be sent that documents their every reaction and feelings, and the couple will appear inseparable. They’ll be in love and everything will appear extravagant but in my experience this “puppy love” phase is a mirage that distracts the couple from the ugly truth, the truth of who they actually are inside. Eventually after the gimmick and novelty of their romance has shown its true colors, either two things happen; they stay forever in love, or they realize their partner is an all out crazy, hell-bent jealous, bi-polar lunatic disguised in layers of make up to blend in their levels of insecurities. It is a common story, boy meets girls, and boy falls in love only to find out that she will rather slash his tires then have him leave. Sound familiar? If yes, then you just might be accustomed to dating in South King County. Now the most obvious way to rid yourself of a girlfriend is to simply distance physically from the girl and in due time the relationship will eventually give up the ghost, however if your girlfriend is reminiscent of the antagonist from the 2009 movie; Obsessed, you might want to follow these simple five easy steps to rid yourself of your crazy girlfriend without looking like a “douche.” Though it might seem cruel to beat around the bush and not just be straight forward, in this case it’s a matter of safety.
Step one: Double play on words
Now the enticing reflex may be too simply blurt out how you feel, wither this be hatred, fear of your life, or nothing at all, it is always best when dealing with the emotionally unstable to let them down gently. Trust me, you can try telling them straight out the feeling has passed but that only leads to stalker tendencies and maybe even a whole group of tall, muscular, all one color wearing group of men coming to your house with bats, so the words you say have to be chosen carefully. Try staring deep into her eyes so she can sense the calmness and use one of my personal favorites, “Baby, when I say I don’t care about you it doesn’t mean I don’t care about, it just means I don’t care about you”. If she becomes confused, but with a smile on her face, hold her hand and be grateful you said it with enough conviction, but if her brow starts to turn into a “v” formation, it is best to run. The whole point of this exercise is to subliminally tell her you do not care without having her break the coffee table. Another phrase to say while cuddling in bed and the issue of ranking comes up, with a smile on your face and half jokingly spat out, “Well I love food. If there was a buffet here, and you were here naked, I...

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