Humorous and Sentimental Wedding Speech by the Groom
I was going to begin with "ladies and gentlemen" but on looking around I'm glad I didn't. So here goes.
Distinguished guests, those of lesser distinction, and those of no distinction at all, family relatives, new and old, in-laws and out-laws, friends, friends of friends, and freeloaders, welcome to our wedding reception.
First of all I would like to thank my brothers and my new sister for their kind words.
I did have a speech all worked out for this special occasion, but of course now that I'm a married man, she has told me what to say instead. So here goes:
On behalf of my wife - and I suppose I'm going to have to get used to saying that ?I would like to start by thanking everyone here today for sharing our very special day with us. A lot of people have traveled far to be here tonight and we are delighted to see you all. Thank you for your cards, kind thoughts, wedding gifts, and especially the big checks! And. of course, all these smiling faces I see in front of me tonight. I hope you can all get the opportunity to mingle tonight, get to know each other a little better, and, naturally, have a good time.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank my parents for my upbringing and the sacrifices they have made for me. I would like to thank them both for the advice they have given me, for putting up with me, and for pointing me in the right direction usually only to watch me go off and do exactly the opposite, of course but that's what sons are for and do best.
To my new mom and dad, I would like to thank you so much for everything you have done and for welcoming me so openly into your family. I feel very proud to be able to say that I am your son-in-law and will always do my best to live up to your expectations and promise to take care of your daughter - and of course do everything she tells me to do - now I'm not saying she's bossy, but you know just as well as I do...
This whole day, and everything else you have given us, has been so overwhelming. We never expected all of this and you have both made us feel very special. I'm sure everyone will agree what a fantastic display it has been so far.
I would like to thank you most importantly for giving me your blessing to marry your beautiful and intelligent daughter. I hope that you don't feel that you've lost a daughter, but that you have gained another mouth to feed and someone to clean up after. [Pause.] By the way dad. I have not forgotten. I'll sign the receipt for you. Dad has written out a receipt for me.
It says: Received one daughter in perfect condition, fully guaranteed, fully warranted. Comes complete with extras. Keep topped up with expensive jewelry, and lubricate well with fine wines. Service regularly with lavish trips to exotic and faraway places.
Warning: has a tendency to get irritable if doesn't. have the final say on everything. Thanks. I?ll keep that in mind. Care notes: gets...