Humorous Best Man Speech Written for Two Best Men
Best man 1: Good evening everyone. I must warn you we are both pretty nervous about doing this speech. We have spent many a night awake, trying plan it to no avail. We were both so nervous about doing this speech we asked the groom for some advice on how to prepare for talking to a large audience.
Best man 2: So he did. He told us to imagine that you are all naked, so if you don't mind, we are going to give it a go. (Stares, winks at people)
Best man 1: Ladies and gentlemen, may I thank you for attending this wonderful occasion. You can all agree that today has been a great success, so far, they look absolutely stunning. So if you could raise your glasses. To the bride and groom.
Best man 2 :Also, thanks must go to the beautiful bridesmaids, who did a fabulous job today getting the bride ready and making sure she didn't back out. So if you could please raise your glasses again. To the bridesmaids.
In preparing for today the groom has given us a list of things we have to do, so if you don't mind, for our sake and for yours, we would just quickly like to run through it, sorry.
(Get pens and list out of pockets)
Make sure that the groom is dressed appropriately.
Best man 2: No better than usual, check. (Pretends to check list)
Best man 1: Ensure that the groom has been to the bathroom
Best man 2: I made sure he went in there, but the rest is up to him!
Best man 1: See that angry ex-girlfriends are kept at bay
Best man 2: Errrmmm. I can't find any, most of them seem rather relieved.
Best man 1: Bring a bag with the following items for emergencies.
Best man 2: aspirin, antacid, deodorant, toothpaste, Viagra. Oh, sorry the groom wasn?t going to mention that.
Best man 1: Get him to the wedding on time.
Best man 2: Oh, we're here, were doing O.K.
Best man 1: We'd like to take this opportunity to read a few cards that have been sent here today for the bride and groom. There seems to be just the two, both addressed to the groom. One reads. "We could have been so good together?, Britney Spears. This one reads the same. "We could have been so good together," love. Elton John.
Best man 2: I have known the groom since the age of twelve when we first met at school and, like everyone at that age, he went through some fashion disasters. Remember the perm? But he never had a funnly nickname at school that I can tell you about, or so I thought! He did have a nickname before the operation on his ears. Do you remember what it was. That's right "Wingnut? and here's why.
(Put on a mask)
Best man 1: I first met the groom on a night out at the local night club known then as "5th Avenue" in the early 1990s. He was still a bit out of touch with fashion even back then. I remember after chatting to him for a awhile him asking me some advice on meeting women, the only chat-up lines he had were: "Here's some money, phone...