Humorous Wedding Roast by a Friend of the Groom
Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen – I'd like to start by saying that what a genuine honor it is to be part of Norman's wedding. I appreciate that I am just one of many equally suitable close friends that he could well have chosen. But I know he looks upon me as the older brother he never had, and I look on him as the younger brother I never wanted.
So here I stand with this great opportunity to reveal to all, Norman’s past misdemeanors. So I could trot out the usual stories; like when he woke up in a football field wearing a red thong and swimming goggles. But instead, I’ve decided to use this time to talk of Norman’s achievements, so you needn’t worry, we’re almost at the end of the speech.
Without doubt his greatest achievement is marrying Janet, who looks absolutely stunning today. You’ve done extremely well Norman, you’ve found someone who’s beautiful, charming, intelligent… and works for the local council and that’s got to have its uses if you know what I mean. And Janet, you’ve found Norman Hamner. Whoever said marriages had to start out balanced!
Norman’s second greatest achievement also happened today, and that was keeping his suit jacket on throughout the ceremony and resisting what must have been an intense desire to turn up in shorts today. But despite the heat and discomfort, it’s been well worth the effort, amongst other things, he’s been boasting all afternoon that he now knows how Chewbacker felt filming those desert scenes.
As it was quite challenging coming up with a third...