Humorous Wedding Speech by the Father of the Groom
Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen - I am the groom's father, Ken, and I have the great privilege of being best man. I have recently found out there are two reasons why J W asked me to do this job. 1) To make him look younger and slimmer in the photos. 2) Because he didn't want to burden any of his friends with the terrible prospect of having to give this speech.
It's the speech that no one wants to do. The best man doesn't really know what he's expected to say and yet his speech is supposed to be humorous - but it might not be. It's supposed to be short - but it probably won't be. It should be original - but it seldom is. It should not offend - and most do. And finally, it's supposed to be sincere and I certainly intend mine to be. In fact, I cannot be more sincere than to say to my son what an honor you have done to me by asking me to be your best man today.
That said, while you are all here to enjoy yourselves, the poor best man has to work for his supper - not that he is able to enjoy his food for the thought of making that speech. He is so nervous he can hardly eat his meal. J W, seeing how nervous I was, arranged for me to have the best seat in the house - namely cubicle 3 in the Gent's toilet.
There's even a sign behind the door which reads 'the best man inspects these toilets at 15-minute intervals. If you have any complaints please report it to the best man - after all he was the last person in here.'
It's customary for the best man to tell a story about the groom but I intend to tell you one about the bride and the groom.
The happy couple met for this first time at Kent University launderette. A perfectly normal way to meet someone, I know. Made remarkable only because that was the only day, in the four years that he was there, that J W ever went to a launderette. They began their relationship like many young lovebirds, by spending almost every moment together - during which time Kathy tried to decide if she could do any better.
Now, I've never thought of J W as the type to go in for all that lovie-dovie romantic stuff, and I'm sure all his friends and work colleagues here today would describe him as a bit of a lad - a man's man. Well, I was shocked - shocked to learn that J W has a habit of leaving things around the house for Kathy to find. No, not dirty socks or empty beer cans, but "I love you" notes. In fact, it's a habit that has spread beyond the house and to the car when,...