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Humourous Story By Wafa Nurdin Called The Mallow Men.

1443 words - 6 pages

The Mallow MenBy Wafa NurdinProcrastination's a favourite pastime of mine, along with being lazy and slacking off. I don't blame myself for these dastardly ways; I blame my friends. Okay, I lied. I blame the government. Who glorifies indolence and being powerful? Who can get away with murder and call it justice? Who can unlock the secret of getting the caramel into the Caramilk bar? You're thinking I'm probably some 17-year-old high school kid without a future. I say you're right. I'm Wantony Nanderson; I live to fail. Rather, my days revolve around having fun with the gang and eating. We concoct crazy schemes, and this heist was the biggest one yet."Who're ya talkin' to?" a shrill voice inquired."Larry! Shut up! Can't you see I'm trying to make history here?""No one cares." Larry's face was blank, devoid of feeling. He was telling the truth. I had to take desperate measures. I took my pen and tried to stab his fingers. It didn't work. I gave up, just like that; one futile attempt was all I needed to be satisfied. "Damn you Larry!""Here comes Ms. Linas; she's fuming. Did you poison her hamster again?""No, that was last week. Anyhow, I've moved up in the food chain. I'm on to my older brother; he's been annoying me lately." I menacingly tapped my fingers together. Larry laughed. I slapped him."Mr. Nanderson, we meet again. This time in less pleasing circumstances." A shadow fell upon my open notebook; it was she. I looked at her, willing myself not to break out in laughter. I opted for a safer reaction."Miss, have you been watching The Matrix? Your Agent Smith impersonation is just divine.""Is it really? I've been practicing all week." Her pitiful face lit up."Oh yeah? It's great!" I gave her two thumbs up."Why thank you." She blushed and I knew I had averted yet another lecture. If people want to call me lazy they can, but I make it up in my deviousness. It's a fair trade; being conniving will definitely get you far in life. Honestly, what happened to that guy who knew what the capital of Nunavat was?"He's a geography teacher now.""Larry! Get outta my head!""Sorry bud, I can't help it, you think too loud." I looked around the room; everyone was glaring at me."Sorry, I'm just trying to make history people." I rolled my eyes.Silence erupted throughout the class. Larry, unfortunately, broke it."Just three more minutes until our favourite class." Childish enthusiasm poured out of his little eyes."LUNCH!"Now, that was a class that I looked forward to. The teacher, Lunch Lady Doris, was surprisingly competent, and none of that "malteachering" nonsense was charged against her. The only problem was getting it to show up on report cards. Last year Larry, our friends Upa, Martin, Teddy and I picketed for five hours outside the school board in protest. We sadly realized that it was the wrong building when we were into our fourth hour. An elderly man took pity on us; we rewarded him with a zealous rendition of "Hey Yeah." He was never the same after...

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