How To Annoy People Essay

1039 words - 4 pages

Have you ever wished you could just annoy the hell out of people in a lengthy elevator ride, a boring class, the people in the bathroom, or just about anywhere? Well, follow these instructions and you might end up being the most obnoxious, exasperating, and maddening person to your co-humans. Sure, it might be childish and immature, but it’s for a worthy cause; your entertainment. Also, think of it this way, your victims will be grateful by the fact that they now have something to say when they are asked how their day has been. Plus it’s just heck of a lot of fun.
There are many ways to be annoying. From just plain childish to creepy and disgusting things to which are very effective. First of all you have to be creative, you can’t just do the “ tap someone and pretend it wasn’t you routine,” that’s for amateurs. Try some of these several examples of creative/experimental ways to annoy several people. In an elevator you can ask every person who gets on if you can push the button for them, but hit the wrong ones instead. You may also holler “Chutes away!” whenever the elevator descends, or push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. If those don’t work in an elevator try a big one; say, while holding a paper with OUT OF ORDER written on it, “I wonder why this was glued on the door when I came in.”
Considering a different situation such as a classroom you may dispute everything your professor says, no matter how simple. Try to get him/her to "prove" everything to you, rant and rave about what a big liar your professor is. Yell at students who are taking notes, saying, "Stop writing down all these lies!" Do this every day; this should definitely annoy your professor and even your classmates. For those Bingo lovers wait for your professor to mention a date, and then yell out, "Bingo!" Apologize, and explain that you got confused (do this with a straight face).
Being creative won’t be your only tool; you also need to be scary. People are extremely annoyed by all those weirdo/emo/pervy people out there, so you must create your own nut case persona. People also hate to get scared so that will surely annoy them. The annoyer (person who is being annoying) must say or do scary thing in order to annoy effectively. Let’s consider once again the elevator scenario. In an elevator apply dripping red paint around the edge of the roof hatch. When someone enters, look upwards and whisper, "I think they want in.” You may also ask, “did you hear that cable snapping sound?”
Perverted wise, if anyone brushes against you, whisper to him or her "was it good for you too?” Wink at them. If those don’t work then bring in the big guns. Tell the passengers not to...

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