The song purports to be about love—a breakup between lovers. However, we took it on as our own song about a tragic breakup of sisters. We changed some of the words (since it was ‘our’ song) and belted out the lyrics—some louder than others.
I’ve been lost inside, empty space in my heart
How it hurts me and how it’s tearin’ me apart
And it just goes on and on.
What if I didn’t want to say goodbye
Couldn’t smile when inside we just wanna cry.
When I hear your name
Feel so cold deep inside
Still it’s hard to explain, oh
What your love meant to me
They say time will heal the pain
But it just goes on and on
And it never fades away.
What if I didn’t want to say goodbye
Time can’t erase the ...view middle of the document...
Lord knows when the cold wind blows
it'll turn your head around.
Well, there's hours of time on the telephone line
to talk about things to come.
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground.
Thought I'd see you one more time again.
There's just a few things coming my way this time around, now.
Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you, fire and rain.
As I sit here on the couch I realize I’ve done my fair share of due diligence in finding the perfect song for Lilly, so I finally choose, I Will Remember You, by Sarah McLaclan. I’m pleased I finally made the right decision. Mostly, I love the title of the song, Sarah’s angelic voice, and the soulfully sad melody. One particular verse strikes a chord in me every time I hear it. The verse sheds light on what Lilly could have been thinking in her last two months alive. The lyrics help me sort things out in my head.
I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much
But we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard.
At first when I tried to interpret the lyrics ‘I’m so tired but I can’t sleep, standing on the edge of something much to deep’, I thought about Lilly standing alone on the top of the mournful bridge in her exhausted and broken state. The ‘edge of something much too deep’ was her broken spirit during the final moments of her life, before the depths of the ocean swallowed her whole.
But now all I can envision with these lyrics is Lilly’s exhaustion and stress at work as she attempted to make a difference at the Tampa V.A. Hospital. With her quick and abrupt demise, the lyrics ‘standing on the edge of something much to deep’ seem to mimic how she felt in her overwhelmed paranoid state prior to her suicide; Lilly versus the disastrous leadership of Jim Nicholson, the Veterans Affair Secretary, who in February of 2007 (two months before she died), still refused to acknowledge to our nation the severity and seriousness of the numbers of severely injured troops who were in need of treatment.
Lilly versus the Bush administration who refused to re-examine its framework of V.A. care that lead to critical failures—chronic budget shortfalls, insufficient resources, inadequate care and facilities, and severe staffing shortages.
Lilly versus the V.A. system’s red tape and cumbersome bureaucracy that she had to navigate to assure that soldiers got critical therapy that they deserved when they returned home.
Lilly versus the scrutiny in the media as the system was being exposed as one that is failing some of our soldiers.
Lilly versus what was going on when the Woodruff documentary was going to be aired.
I know there is more to this part of that story, and I’m determined to find out—I can’t help but wonder (yet believe deep down) if she was involved in something much too deep. What was it about the mix up in a patient’s id that held up his treatment when he was released from the Tampa V.A.? ...