Looking At Men Essay

1178 words - 5 pages

"He is such a handsome guy I have ever known! I think I already fell in love with him atfirst sight! I wish he would someday reveal that there would be always a girl watchinghim in every his motion, awaiting desperately a signal of love in return from him eventhough he has not yet known who I am and what my name is; but I am still fine with it aslong as he spares me a look..." - I burst out laughing when reading what I had written indiary during the high school years about a guy that had stirred my heart; the innocenceand the simplistic perception of love of an adolescent girl made me laugh. Now, over tenyears away from the high school, I can still call back the upset feeling that skipped myheart beat for the very first time I met this "very cool" guy; it was also the very first timeI felt for a man! The wheels of life, however, has pretty much changed my points ofviews as well as the way I look at men; and the diary, which I have accidentally foundfrom the stack of old books when cleaning up the house this morning, gives me a goodreason to look back at myself to see how different I am from the girl I used to be andhow men has changed in my eyes.As a little girl at the age of six, I did not completely realize any difference between a boyand a girl, the only thing in my mind was that boys could not wear girls' dresses becausethey would be very ugly on them! As time went by, I grew up and finally reached the ageof puberty, during which the girls' body undergoes a great change to blossom out into ayoung woman with the plump curves of buttock and breast. It was when I began toconceive of myself as something totally different from men. Yet, men have attracted myeyes more frequently than before; and as a curiosity that arose from a basic instinct, Ican't help looking at them!Being raised in a traditional family heavily influenced by Confucian philosophy (aphilosophy in which the filial piety is considered among the greatest of virtues and mustbe shown towards the parents, especially the fathers who exercised enormous powerover their children), I was taught to be decent in every word I uttered as well as to keepa proper manner at all times. Definitely, a decent girl was not supposed to be a starter inany relationship; flirting with guys or gazing at men, as my parents would say, would beunacceptable for a decent girl. These social norms more or less affected my thinking, mybehavior, and the way I look at men. Seldom did I stare at men; instead, I observedthem from behind or from a corner to make sure that they would not see me. At thattime, the best and most reliable friend that I could trust to share all of my feeling was mydear diary; this quiet friend was also the only one whom I sometimes sharedmy "indecent" thinking!Everything is coming back to me as if it was just yesterday when I was so eager to puton the "ao dai" for the very first time of my life on the first day of the new school year("ao dai" is a traditional dress of Vietnamese women, which...

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