Best Man Wedding Speech With Many Jokes

1125 words - 5 pages

Best Man Wedding Speech with Many Jokes

The moment has arrived?.
its time for a little character assassination?..
and as Kyle best man?..
its my opportunity to slate him.

as Henry the Eighth said to each of his wives?..
I wont keep you long

Having never done this before, I really didn?t know how long my speech should last
General opinion suggests it should last about as long as it takes the groom to make love, so?..
(hand gesture)
Thank you and good night.

If only I was joking.

When Kyle first asked me to be his best man, I thought it would be a terrific honour,
But, as time has gone by I?ve realised that being best man is alot like making love to princess Ann,
it?s a great honour, but you wish to god someone else was doing it.

About Groom
Now, all the books tell me I shouldn?t just slate him?
which makes it difficult,
I must tell you a bit about him, and mention his good points as well (I?m told)

Kyle was born on

In the same year?..
British Decimal Coins were introduced
The first Kodak Instamatic camera was produced
The boing 747 and concorde made their first flights?
Test tube fertilisation of human egg. and
Scientists designed the epidural injection to ease the pain of child birth, fascinating

Interestingly enough, in September 1968, soon after Kyle was born, family planning soon became widely available

Believe it or not Kyle did go to school, but it is fair to say he wasn?t the sharpest pencil in the box

I remember sitting in pizza hut with him one day when the waiter asked if he wanted his pizza cut into 4 or 8 pieces?.

He said?you better make it 4 because ill never be able to eat 8 pieces

He thought Alfred Hitchcock was a jockstrap

Its not all bad?

To give you some idea what he was like at school I?ve managed to dig out one of Kyle old school reports?

It reads ?Kyle is an ideal pupil who excelled in all subjects?

However on closer inspection its clearly been doctored.

It actually reads

?Kyle is an idle pupil who should be expelled from most subjects?

It goes on to say that Kyle excelled at sport?..

Truth is, the only running he did was running his mouth.

Enough about his school days
what about this man we see before us now?..

Kyle could be described as charming, intelligent, and entertaining?.
And perhaps one day he will be!

No, honestly, he truly is successful, witty, talented and per?per, sorry Kyle I cant quite read your writing!

Kyle is a man of hidden talents?
And as soon as I find one I will let you know!

Most people here know Kyle very well?
And I am sure you will all agree that once you?ve met him he?s a difficult man to forget?.
But well worth the effort!

You will all be familiar with the bizarre things that he often comes out with
I?ve known him long enough now to realise when he?s talking rubbish,
His lips are moving!

Again, you will all be familiar with how Infuriating Kyle can be?..

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