Best Man Wedding Speech With Many Jokes

1125 words - 5 pages

Best Man Wedding Speech with Many Jokes

The moment has arrived?.
its time for a little character assassination?..
and as Kyle best man?..
its my opportunity to slate him.

Although,
as Henry the Eighth said to each of his wives?..
I wont keep you long

Having never done this before, I really didn?t know how long my speech should last
General opinion suggests it should last about as long as it takes the groom to make love, so?..
(hand gesture)
Thank you and good night.

If only I was joking.

When Kyle first asked me to be his best man, I thought it would be a terrific honour,
But, as time has gone by I?ve realised that being best man is alot like making love to princess Ann,
it?s a great honour, but you wish to god someone else was doing it.

About Groom
Now, all the books tell me I shouldn?t just slate him?
which makes it difficult,
I must tell you a bit about him, and mention his good points as well (I?m told)

Kyle was born on

In the same year?..
British Decimal Coins were introduced
The first Kodak Instamatic camera was produced
The boing 747 and concorde made their first flights?
Test tube fertilisation of human egg. and
Scientists designed the epidural injection to ease the pain of child birth, fascinating

Interestingly enough, in September 1968, soon after Kyle was born, family planning soon became widely available

Believe it or not Kyle did go to school, but it is fair to say he wasn?t the sharpest pencil in the box

I remember sitting in pizza hut with him one day when the waiter asked if he wanted his pizza cut into 4 or 8 pieces?.

He said?you better make it 4 because ill never be able to eat 8 pieces

He thought Alfred Hitchcock was a jockstrap

Its not all bad?

To give you some idea what he was like at school I?ve managed to dig out one of Kyle old school reports?

It reads ?Kyle is an ideal pupil who excelled in all subjects?

However on closer inspection its clearly been doctored.

It actually reads

?Kyle is an idle pupil who should be expelled from most subjects?

It goes on to say that Kyle excelled at sport?..

Truth is, the only running he did was running his mouth.

Enough about his school days
what about this man we see before us now?..
well?..

Kyle could be described as charming, intelligent, and entertaining?.
And perhaps one day he will be!

No, honestly, he truly is successful, witty, talented and per?per, sorry Kyle I cant quite read your writing!

Kyle is a man of hidden talents?
And as soon as I find one I will let you know!

Most people here know Kyle very well?
And I am sure you will all agree that once you?ve met him he?s a difficult man to forget?.
But well worth the effort!

You will all be familiar with the bizarre things that he often comes out with
I?ve known him long enough now to realise when he?s talking rubbish,
His lips are moving!

Again, you will all be familiar with how Infuriating Kyle can be?..
...

Find Another Essay On Best Man Wedding Speech with Many Jokes

Humorous Wedding Speech by the Best Man

702 words - 3 pages Humorous Wedding Speech by the Best Man When Daniel came to me and asked me to be his best man, it was a great honour but, when I looked at all the duties required of me, I felt he’d be better off choosing someone else. Then he offered me a fifty, but I told him that it wasn’t a decision that money could change. So then he offered me a hundred. Anyway, good evening Ladies and Gentlemen - My name is Rob and it’s my pleasure to be

Best Man Wedding Toast Essay

1029 words - 4 pages Best Man Wedding Speech Its turning out to be a day packed full new experiences for me. It’s the first time I’ve had the honour of being a best man, It’s the first time that Brandon has complimented me in over 30 years, and it’s the first time I’ve got a free dinner out of him since that kebab he bought me back in 93. So far things have been going pretty well…until now. Start the car Steve. Ladies, Gentlemen, boys, girls Brandon and Lisa

Wedding Toast - Best Man

1537 words - 6 pages fined $300. I went to a wedding two weeks ago that was held in a nudist colony. Apparently I was just half an inch away from being the best man there too. By the way, if anyone is running a book on the length of this speech could I put $5 on it lasting 12 minutes please? Martin Firstly I’d like to congratulate Martin on his speech. I'm particularly impressed with the fact that you all paid attention and followed his instructions not to

Wedding Toast - Best Man

1928 words - 8 pages Wedding Speech - Best Man Afternoon everyone, firstly, the city council have asked me to request that, for health and safety reasons, none of you get up on top of the chairs and tables during my standing ovation. I'm sure you'll all admit this has turned out to be a fabulous wedding celebration, yet every silver- lining does have a cloud, and that is, unfortunately that you've all got to listen to me for a few minutes. I'd just

Humorous Wedding Speech – Two Best Men

790 words - 3 pages Humorous Wedding Speech – Two Best Men Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen. For those of you that are wondering why there are two best men standing up here, it’s perfectly simple. Arthur wanted to appoint a best man for the occasion, but sadly couldn’t find one, so he got two barely competent ones instead. So before I start, let me clarify the ‘role’ situation. Dennis, Arthur’s university friend and very trustworthy, was responsible

Wedding Speech Written for Two Best Men

1893 words - 8 pages Wedding Speech Written for Two Best Men Brandon - Ladies and Gents before I continue I would like to point out to those of you who may be feeling the effects of the alcohol that there are actually 2 of us standing up here and no you are not seeing double. Firstly, I would like to say how pleasing it is to see so many of John and Rhonda’s close relatives and friends who have joined them on their wedding day. It never fails to amaze me the

Best Man Speech Funny & Inspirational

1061 words - 4 pages I am going to keep this speech fairly short because of my throat, Pooja said that if I made fun of the groom too much she would cut it. Pooja, you look absolutely gorgeous… radiant. I saw Salim swell with pride when he saw you today. He is truly a lucky man to have someone so attractive, intelligent, warm and caring. A wife who will be all he could ever wish for, and more. And my little brother…well well… you’ve finally done it… after 30

Wedding Speech for a Maid of Honor or Best Woman

922 words - 4 pages Wedding Speech for a Maid of Honor or Best Woman Good evening. I would like to thank all of you for attending this joyful occasion. For those of you that don't know me, I'm Hanah's friend Erica, sometimes known as "Natasha" or "Hanah's foot taller twin sister". I'm sure you read in the playbill/program that I used to work with her in the accounting department. We hit it off from the start - both having a love for drama, we spent not only

Wedding Toasts - Best Man, Brother of the Groom

618 words - 2 pages Wedding Toasts - Best Man, Brother of the Groom Good Evening! I’m standing up here tonight, pretty boastful I have to admit, of my brother, Bobo, and his bride Twiggy. I have come to sing their praises, and if I happen to embarrass either one of them in the process, I apologize right now! On behalf of our family, we want to welcome each of you to the wedding today. It is a true testament to Bobo and Twiggy that you have taken time

Meaningful and Sentimental Best Man Speech

831 words - 3 pages Meaningful and Sentimental Best Man Speech Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. I would like to echo the groom's sentiments and mention that all the bridesmaids look truly beautiful, indeed. Also, I'd like to say that the bride looks absolutely stunning today, as for the groom he just looks stunned. I am on a strict time limit from the bride, so the more you laugh at my jokes, the quicker my speech will be. It is beautiful to see so

Humorous Best Man Speech for Two Best Men

1101 words - 4 pages Humorous Best Man Speech Written for Two Best Men Best man 1: Good evening everyone. I must warn you we are both pretty nervous about doing this speech. We have spent many a night awake, trying plan it to no avail. We were both so nervous about doing this speech we asked the groom for some advice on how to prepare for talking to a large audience. Best man 2: So he did. He told us to imagine that you are all naked, so if you don't mind

Similar Essays

Best Man Wedding Speech

531 words - 2 pages Best Man Wedding Speech Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen – I'd like to start by saying that what a genuine honor it is to be part of Rick's wedding. Rick certainly is handsome tonight, with his fine rented tux and shoes. On a gala evening such as this, you may find it hard to believe that Rick has not always been so handsome. The truth is, Rick was so ugly at birth, the doctor slapped his mother! The nurses were no more sympathetic

Best Man Wedding Speech

1274 words - 5 pages Best Man Wedding Speech This is the first time Kevin's ever brought me dinner and I?m too nervous to eat it. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Kevin's younger brother and my full name is Bobby What are you drinking, so if you see me at the bar later don't hesitate to call me by my full name. Unfortunately every silver lining does have A cloud, and that is that you've all got to listen to me for the next 5 minutes. I'd just like

Wedding Reception Speech – Best Man

1852 words - 7 pages Wedding Reception Speech – Best Man Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, I’m sure you’ll all agree it’s been a fantastic day so far, but unfortunately for every silver lining there’s a cloud, and I’m yours. For those of you that haven’t bought me a drink yet, I’m Simon and I’ve been sentenced to being Randy’s best man today. It’s said that, being asked to be best man is one of the greatest honours you can be given, on the other hand it’s

Best Man Wedding Speech (Roast)

563 words - 2 pages Best Man Wedding Speech Ladies and Gentlemen, It's time for me to make a speech now and quite frankly, there's not a lot you can do about that. Well, if there's anybody here this evening who feels strangely nervous and apprehensive, it's probably because you just went and married Bill Meyers! Sorry Lacy - It's too late now. You're stuck with him. When it comes to Best Man's speeches there are some things in the interests of good