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Mully Mally Muzzy, Or: M’s (For Short) Essay

2300 words - 10 pages

Bored. Bored. Bored.
M’s was so bored. It was hard being an alien refugee from the planet Coalbolay living on Earth. It was hard being on a planet where people would “freak out” at seeing a furry ball with a tail and one eye who talks. (A lot.) And it was “inappropriate” to go outside. So, M’s – short for Mully-Mally-Muzzy, his name and also his species (he resented Gen, his owner/a female/ a person who can go outside because Coalbolayans looked like humans, for not being more creative) – spent his time reading, watching the news, getting in fights on the Internet, and trying to demolish CAL, Gen’s pet android. Stupid android. Stupid name short for Calculated Android Life. Stupid glorified robot with skin. Gen only needed M’s. Only. Plus, CAL could go outside because he didn’t look “weird” because he had skin and hair and stuff. Stupid CAL.
Living on this planet was hard. The people were mean and, even worse, intolerant to Mully-Mally-Muzzy’s. Less worse but still bad, they were constantly trying to kill each other. At least other species were trying to kill the Coalbolayans. Before M’s and Gen set out for Earth and picked up CAL along the way, Coalbolay was at war with a grotesque, unpleasant species called the Maygars. Big old meanies.
One particularly boring morning (the news reported no killing or natural disaster and M’s had already finished a novel about death) , M’s sat at the kitchen table watching people report on trite topics and eating Earth cereal made from a Coalbolayan food replicator. (They had brought tons of technology from their planet, for this one was very primitive.) Gen came into the room, humming a terrible Earth song that was somehow loved by the masses. Gen, M’s beloved Gen, was assimilating. Assimilating into a horrible, horrible culture on a self-destructive planet. Maybe going outside wasn’t a good thing after all. Stupid Gen. No – M’s took it back. He loved Gen. She was annoying and her brown hair looked like mud, but he loved her. She was merely silly, he decided.
Suddenly, it went completely black. M’s screamed (it was a manly scream, and whatever people said later was a big, fat lie), he flipped his cereal (prompting Gen to yell at him), a crash sounded through the dark (it was CAL falling), and M’s laughed (because CAL fell).
Then, M’s saw his favorite toy. M’s TV, his beloved TV, was blank. He bashed it with his tail, receiving a dirty look from Gen. The TV turned on again, sizzling with static, and M’s reciprocated a look of smugness.
After that, the ugly face of a Maygar appeared on the screen. M’s grimaced and felt as if he were going to vomit it was so hideous. Ugly Maygar. M’s smashed the TV again, hoping the image would go away.
It didn’t. Instead, the Maygar “politely” explained (in its own language and converted into English by a translating device, since both races refused to speak the other’s tongue) that M’s, Gen, and CAL had to be annihilated and their home had to be looted in accordance with...

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