How strange the things that reach in and touch the heart. Sometimes the tears spring unbidden from some deep and secret place in my soul. And anguish sweeps across me just as the breeze sweeps across the desolate prairie. I don't know from where these feelings come. I only understand how powerful and consuming they are. And yet somehow out of this comes renewal. A reaffirming that even through all of my faults and all of my imperfections, I still care. I still love. And through this realization the tenderness that lives within is reborn if only for a little while longer. Such started the morning in which I looked into the mirror to see this young man whom I didn't really know. His blue eyes staring back at me. A body, a man, a shy secluded young man with a scar on his left eyebrow.
"This morning I roused from a fitful sleep. I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth, always the first ritual of the morning. I stood there brushing away and glanced up at the man staring back at me as though he didn't know who I was. The moment was very disconcerting. The glance slowly lengthened into an incredibly intense stare."
Finally, to break the unbearable silence that hung uncomfortably between, words seemed to tumble from my lips. "Who are you? What has made you who you are?"
I decided that maybe I needed to examine these questions and the questioner as well. What are the burdens that weigh upon you? Where are the scars of the battles you've fought? Which ones did you win and which ones were lost? Do you realize that the very question is faulty? All battles that you fight are won, not singularly because of the experience you gain from them, but also because you chose to take on the obstacle, to tackle the problem and to care enough to expend the energy to deal with what was in front of you. The question of love and loneliness, each one friend and lover. Do you remember, are you sure?
But then there is the memory of Brittany my first love, that uncertain pang of love, maybe even lust but you know when you're young and in love:
I felt the touch of her silky skin against my rough stubbled cheek as I awoke. I had only come over to watch a movie, but now found myself awaking next to this plain, but beautiful girl, whom I had only thought of as a friend. Brittany awoke to find me staring vacantly at her tender frame, outlined by the down comforter. I quickly look away.
"No need to look away. I was hoping you would have stayed the night with me."
"Yes, I've admired you since we met. I wanted you close to me."
Was she for real? "I don't know what to say."
She crawled closer and touched her fingers to my lips.
She slipped off my faded black shirt, then pulled herself close to me. She wore only a long pale nightshirt. Her tender kiss was like nothing I had ever had before. This moment of tenderness was beginning to mean more to me as she softly stroked my hair and slowly lulled me to sleep with her sweet...