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My Contemplations With Suicide Essay

3494 words - 14 pages

I’ve been prepared to do this for a long time, but today was the day I’d finally do it. Now that she’s left me, I just couldn’t find the strength to do it anymore. I closed and locked the door to my room, and slowly walked over to my bed. Reaching around under it, I grabbed the coil of rope.
The manila rope felt firm in my hand, but it had also felt like the only thing holding me together. Funny, how the tool I was going to use for suicide was the only thing left holding me together, but it’s true. When I touched it, my blood should have run cold. I should have been repulsed. But without her, I had nothing left holding me together, no one left to help me with drunk Mom and Dad, and this rope was the only thing I had left.
Uncoiling the rope, I looked up at the dim light that hung down from the ceiling. It hung down from a dark metal rod; one I knew would support my weight.
My hands trembled as I tied the rope around the light, than tied the end into a strong noose knot. If I got into it, I would hang about a foot off the ground, suspended in death.
Perfect.
Could I really do this? I stood up on my chair. People die all the time, but people still moved on, right? So why can’t I move on too? I pulled the noose around my head, my hands trembling as I do so. If . . . if only I could start over. If only today hadn’t happened. I could change everything. No one would have to die.
I glanced at the clock, and saw its green digits read exactly eleven o’clock.
"I’ll never get that second chance. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be," I whispered. I hesitated — but only for a second — then kicked the chair, embracing whatever would come next.
I could feel my heart jump as the chair hit the ground with a heavy thud. I choked, my lungs and neck burning. I clawed at the rope with my hands, the idea of death suddenly frightening me. Death was scarier now that I was staring it right in the face. I thought I could do this, thought I was ready to join her, but I realized too late that I wasn’t.
The rope suddenly snapped. I fell, and went through the ground. I was falling, wind whipping against my face and arms, the burning sensations and pains from earlier ebbing away almost immediately.
My heart was racing, and I fell until I hit something soft, something beating. I found myself lying, on my stomach, against what looked like a human heart. I could feel the blood from the heart soaking my shirt and skin as it beat furiously up against my body.
The heart gave one, tremendous pulse. My entire body shook and I blacked out.

“Rachel? Hey, Rachel.”
Someone was calling my name? Huh. I opened my eyes and found my little sister Cathy sitting across from me on the bus, looking at me, grinning. But she couldn’t be here. She was dead. Unless . . .

“Cathy? Cathy!” I took my arms and pulled her close to me, practically crushing her. Her body was warm and her hair smelled of a familiar fresh strawberry. I choked back a sob and hugged her harder.
She struggled against my...

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