I married him because I loved him. I divorced him because I love myself more. Divorce is such an ugly thing. It’s pretty simple right? You get married because you love someone, you get divorced because don’t love them anymore. When you get married you pick out china and furniture. When you get divorced you fight over who gets the china and furniture.
Divorce doesn’t have to be ugly. Once we knew it was what needed to be done, we sat down and talked about the division of our personal property, child support and visitation. We talked at least weekly before the divorce was actually final. It was reminiscent of our dating days. I actually started to forget why were getting a divorce.
That September day in 2010 was a lot like the day in October 1994. The sun was shining, not a cloud in the sky. It was peaceful. We stood side by side in love with each other, tears in our eyes as we said “I do”. The judge doubted us that day; he looked at me and said he didn’t believe this was what I wanted. I remember looking at the man I was married to and then back at the judge and saying “This has to happen for us. We can’t continue the way we are” The judge sat back in his chair and again looked at me then at my husband, he leaned forward and told us “ I don’t think you are telling me the whole story”. I couldn’t believe it was that obvious. How did the judge know? No, I wasn’t telling the whole truth. We knew the truth, but there was no point in admitting it now. I couldn’t let the judge know, for heaven’s sake he was golfing with my boss last week. No I was keeping this my secret. I was sure he was going deny the divorce. My husband was standing there with a look of terror on his face. He knew I was trying to decide what to say. I looked back at the judge and simply repeated “This has to happen for us. We can’t continue the way we are”. The judge did sign the divorce petition and my life was forever changed.
Suddenly I was an “ex wife “I have an “ex husband”. How did this happen? Now what do I do? As we left t the court house that say we promised each other we would not become those bitter ex-spouses. We were still talking to each other. We would take the girls out to family supper on Wednesdays. We would joke with each other. I started to think maybe the divorce would help us find the love we had.
Then he moved in with the real reason we got the divorce. That was the moment I changed, I see that now. I let myself be the bitter ex-wife. People around me would question why I was going out of my way to make their lives easier. I would drive three hours one way to meet them half way on his weekends. I didn’t yell and scream when he would not pay his support on time. I just accepted this was my life. The phones calls stopped, the...