Being a mother was the scariest thing for me to do. Although I had a good childhood, I never thought about how I would handle things from a mothers standpoint. No only was my pregnancy a surprise, but I had no idea how I was going to break the news to my then male friend, now husband, and even worse breaking this news to my mother.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was scared because I had no clue of what to do, how to feel, how to prepare myself for a lifelong decision of raising a child and worse of all, I was not psychology prepared to handle the situation at hand. I wondered how I would provide for myself and my child, with no income or a high school diploma. Before I found out I was pregnant, I made plans to enter into the military, following in my fathers footsteps. After finding out about my pregnancy, those plans changed quickly. Instead of going to the military, I had to refocus my life and make sure that I finished school. Finishing school was important because I didnt want my child to grow up and think she didnt have to finish school as well. Being a great role model for her was the most important thing and by me finishing school would show her that having a diploma only makes things a little easier in the long run.
My attitude of being pregnant was not pleasant. I was disappointed because although I knew the consequences of having unprotected sex, I still played Russian roulette with my body and allowed myself to be in the situation I was now facing; thankful that it was not worse. I didnt plan on having any children until I was well into my late 20s, early 30s at the latest. I also didnt know how my male friend was going to react, to the pregnancy, being that 1) we hadnt known each other long enough to be starting a family and 2) he was in the military, young, and not ready to settle down or be tied down. I have always valued my mothers thoughts and by me getting pregnant, I felt I was going to be not only a disappointment to her but a disgrace a well. In addition to these feelings, I also felt I would be a disgrace to myself because of my young age, 17. With the way society looked down on young mothers, I was just another statistic; young, black, little or no income dependant on the system (welfare), from a single parent household with little guidance or direction, and lacking high expectations for myself. I must say, instead of me becoming another statistic, I beat the odds by earning my high school diploma, getting a job, moving out of my mothers home, and providing for myself and my daughter.
The preconceived notions I had regarding pregnancy and raising a child was not what I experienced....