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Nothing Essay

2417 words - 10 pages

Relationships are not easy. They mirror everything we feel about ourselves. When you've had a bad day, the people around you seem difficult. When you're not happy with yourself, your relationships seem to be lacking.If you've ever gotten in a fight only to find yourself wondering what you were really upset about, this post may help you. If you've ever been disappointed because someone didn't meet your expectations, this post may help you, too. Feel walked on and unheard? You guessed it-there's likely something in here that will help you change that.We don't live in a vacuum. We have thoughts and feelings that can be confusing. Other people do too. And just like in the movie Crash, they don't always collide smoothly.When I apply these ideas, I feel confident, strong, compassionate, and peaceful in my interactions. I hope they can do the same for you.1. Do what you need to do for you.Everyone has personal needs, whether it's going to the gym after work or taking some alone time on Saturday morning. If someone asks you to do something and your instinct is to honor you own need, do that. I'm not saying you can't make sacrifices sometimes, but it's important to make a habit of taking care of yourself.Someone once told me people are like glasses of water. If we don't do what we have to do to keep our glass full, we'll need to take it from someone else-which leaves them half full. Fill your own glass so you can feel whole and complete in your relationships.2. Give people the benefit of the doubt.It's tempting to doubt people-to assume your boyfriend meant to hurt you by not inviting you out with his friends, or your friend meant to make you feel inadequate by flaunting her money. People who care about you want you to feel happy, even if sometimes they get too wrapped up in their own problems to show it well.Sometimes they may be hurtful and mean it-let's not pretend we're all angels. But that won't be the norm. It will likely be when they're hurting and don't know what to do with it. Odds are they'll feel bad and apologize later. If you want to get good will, share it by seeing the best in the people you love. When we assume the best, we often inspire it.3. Look at yourself for the problem first.When you feel unhappy with yourself, it's easy to find something wrong in a relationship. If you blame another person for what you're feeling, the solution is on them. But this is actually faulty logic. For starters, it gives them all the control. And secondly, it usually doesn't solve the problem, since you didn't actually address the root cause.Next time you feel the need to blame someone for your feelings-something they did or should have done-ask yourself if there's something else going on. You may find there's something underlying: something you did or should have done for you. Take responsibility for the problem and you have power to create a solution.4. Be mindful of projecting.In psychology, projecting refers to denying your own traits and then ascribing...

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