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Peer Review Evaluation Of Exploratory Argument

803 words - 4 pages

The essay states that physical education is necessary without examining any contrary opinions or sides making the essay in effect an opinion paper rather than an exploratory argument. The clarity of ideas suffer from poor sentence structure, misuse of words, none sequential sentence structure and non sequiturs. When it promotes flexibility the confusion about context and its use makes it hard to understand. The idea expressed is reasonably easy to follow only because it’s conventional.
The introduction paragraph is confusing and ineffective. Opinions in the paper have unsupported conclusions with no examples to back them up. The paper is somewhat repetitive (example: sentence 1 and 5 from the introduction paragraph). Each subsequent paragraph after the introduction does focus on one idea. The paragraphs suffer from incomplete sentences, missing words, and conclusions that do not match given facts or assumptions. In paragraph two, sentence four it states that, “Obesity comes from eating junk food, in other words fast food.” However, junk food is not always fast food or vice versa. This is one of the assumptions made based on her opinion with no examples to support its validity. Due to illogical sequencing the given arguments lack coherence and focus making it necessary to re-reading passages. One such example is the third paragraph, fifth sentence. It states, “Physical education can be taken advantage of when required at a college student’s time.”
The style of the essay changes tone from the first four paragraphs which leans toward a formal style; the formality is mainly due to the lack of “I” statements and first person point of view. The conclusion paragraph switches to a less formal almost conversational tone. The paper did not overuse “you” or “your.” It only had “you” three times and “your” twice. However, “they” was used eight times, “their” was used five times, and “them” was used four times throughout. Such as in the fifth sentence of the conclusion paragraph which states, “A strong body gives you the body you need to move forward with your career.” This one sentence contains three of the “you” and”your” words.
Paragraph one sentence three states that, “Along with eating, college students have no time to make daily meals, so they buy what is fast and greasy to fill them up.” . The clarity of the writing left much to be desired with great doubt of English being the writer’s primary or first...

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