Pencil Grade Essay

1577 words - 6 pages

EJ Olszewski Jr.9-14-14Authors NoteThis is my pencil grade draft of the personal essay. In this paper I am trying to accomplish all things necessary for a pencil grade draft. I'm trying to make it the correct length and also trying to fix all the problems with the second draft. I have to add about 90 words to this draft so I hope to do so without getting off topic of the main storyline. I still believe that I have a strong beginning and middle and feel as if the ending has greatly improved.The Hot Wheel Ramp"Come on EJ," My mom calls out as she is trying to get me to load up in the car to head over to the Thanksgiving party. This would be the first time we weren't going to our grandma's house for Thanksgiving, which I was happy about because her house was extremely boring. Not only was there never any toys, but you also couldn't roughhouse inside because then you'd "mess up the couches" as if the couches had a better purpose than jumping on them. I didn't hear her though as my brother and I were playing with Hot Wheels as we always were. Gunner, my brother, is only a year younger than me and looks like a wild child, his hair is always in a mess, he would always have food residue on his face from his last meal, and the only thing crazier than the way he usually looked is the way he acted. We were lost in our own little world consisting of small plastic cars and a rug with a mapped out city on it. The little city on that rug seemed to have it all, it had a fire station, police station, gas pumps, hotels, car dealerships, restaurants, the whole shabang! It was also soft enough to double up as a good place to nap when we were too lazy to walk 2 doors down to our beds after a few hard ours of playing.Gunner couldn't come to the Thanksgiving party though, because he had pink eye. He was as bummed out as I've ever seen him, knowing that this party was going to be a lot of fun. "Come on EJ!" She yelled a little louder this time, just loud enough to pierce through our imaginary world. As I heard her, I flew off the rug and dashed to the car. I was excited as ever knowing that there was going to be a zip line.As we pulled into the long, bumpy, rock driveway that seemed to go on forever I could barely contain my excitement imagining the rush of sliding down the zip line. I was like a sprinter about to explode out of the blocks. The long driveway finally ended as I busted out of the door and there it was. A long rope ladder crawled 25 feet up a huge Oak tree to a wooden platform. It was pretty intimidating at first but I immediately shook off the fear after watching a few other older kids use it. Above the platform was the handle for the zip line, which connected from the top of the Oak tree to the bottom of another tree with a huge pad on it that you crash into at the end of the line.About 30 minutes into the party I had already done the zip line about 5 times. I loved the rush and the stomach drop feeling as you flew down the line. The collision with the...

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