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Personal Experience: What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

1074 words - 5 pages

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
I wish I had documented the numerous times I have been asked this question; not only for statistical reasons but also to see my scope of answers beginning from the very first time the question was brought forth. When I was an elementary student, the answer changed constantly. I wanted to be an artist, or a veterinarian, or an author, or a teacher. As I became of middle school age, I was determined that I was going to be a doctor or a nurse, primarily because of the medical television shows that I obsessed over. When I began high school, I began to take the question more seriously, actually putting logical thought in the possibilities of my future ...view middle of the document...

I began my first treatment plan the day of my diagnosis. I hoped that the first medication would work. Because Crohn’s is different for everyone, my treatments were basically trial-and-error. I did not really understand this initially, nor did I realize that restoring my health and reaching remission would be a gradual process.
I continued my daily activities and tried to remain positive through all of the physical pain. I refused to let my disease define me or let it make a large negative impact on my life. I actually tried to ignore it whenever possible. I completely dismissed the idea of counseling as well as filing for disability. I never asked for much-needed extensions on school work; the majority of my teachers were not even aware of my infirmity. I felt as though I did not need the aid of others and that their efforts should be focused on someone who was “worse-off” than I was. I was under the impression that it would be cowardly of me to ask anyone for assistance and that I just needed to essentially “bite the bullet.” I told myself that I was, and that I would be alright. I assumed it was something I would adjust to. I told myself anything to brush off the strange, entangled mess of emotions I was feeling at the time. However, the more physically ill I became, the worse I began to feel emotionally. I was plagued by anxiety, embarrassment, frustration, and an uneasy feeling of guilt. I found myself becoming less social, weighed down my chronic exhaustion and the anxiety of going out in public. I hated making people wait as I had to sit down to rest, and I always prayed that my cramps would go away quickly. I hated having to leave mid-conversion to rush to the nearest restroom. I hated not being able to enjoy the company of others. My biggest distain was that I felt like I was a burden to others and that my disease was bringing them down as well. I...

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