Pursuing What You're Capable Of Pursuing It really all began at a dinner party to celebrate my engagement to
Gerald - my first engagement to Gerald I should say! I hardly
recognise myself now, looking back at that silly, happy charming girl
who thought she had reached the pinnacle of her life. How wrong I was.
How little did I know about life, the world, society and other
If I look back at my character as a very young women, I feel extremely
embarrassed and ashamed at my crude, selfish inner self, hidden behind
a pretty exterior. I was everything society expected me to be, well
groomed, mild mannered and polite when spoken to. I did as I was told,
and served my purpose to sit up straight and smile. I was oblivious to
anything taking place around me. Offcourse as a young women in the
1910's, I had little involvement in politics or anything that was
considered 'manly'. The factory strikes meant nothing to me, and the
Kaiser was an even bigger mystery! The Titanic was something that was
more regularly entered small talk among women. The lavish, over
indulgent liner was somehow so attractive to me, and a week aboard
that ship would've provided me with some slightly different scenery,
and a huge amount of yet more tedious company.
If I could chose a few words to describe myself then, it would have to
be 'spoilt, over grown child'. What I believed to be socially
acceptable would be dispicable in this day and age. Behind my mild
manners was a trapped figure, which often broke through to people but
only those who were socially below me. I had been brought up to
believe that being the class I was, I had all the right to treat the
poorer with less respect than they most defiantly deserved. As they
would never answer back due to this set of so called rules, I could
get away with whatever I wanted - so long as I didn't go upsetting my
father by making my behaviour public, bringing shame upon my cowardly
family. I would waltz around with tremendous airs and graces, behaving
as if I were royalty and I got offended at the slightest battering of
my pride. There was one time in particular that I most definatly
remember, as I believe I committed the most terrible of moral crimes
that could ever be thought up.
Milwards was my late husbands family firm, selling pretty dresses and
such at tremendously high prices to ignorant brats such as myself. It
would be the highlight of my week, you can imagine how dull my life
must have been. Poor, excitable Sheila, getting all lives pleasures
from purchasing a frock. It saddens me now, seeing that I couldn't
think of anything more wonderful than spending my father riches.
Offcourse I had little idea of the physical strain and boredom...