Because of a human’s lack of perfection, almost all have fallen short; therefore, all suffer from wounding from life at times that is irreparable. This wounding causes lasting impairment in our personal behaviors, consequently, our marital relationships will suffer ultimately from these wounds. It is the desire of most to live in a perfect world, as in the Biblical “Garden of Eden”; however, one finds that defectiveness keeps us from this perfection. In other words, this imperfect world and its imperfect people produce a wide range of relational issues. More often, because of the early developmental processes of life that were learned, leaving us with many shortcomings to deal with in connection; furthermore, causing suffering and drawbacks in our relationship with others.
Because of this perception of issues, the lies and vows believed, the development of a false self or mask develops to protect from further wounding in unions with others. Therefore, choosing to be emotionally withdrawn, hiding from real feelings, whereas, bound with anger and rebellion. On the contrary, the choice to be controlling, explosive, or defiant can also occur and become an issue as well. Altogether different sorts of combinations or reactions to the wounds life brings are possible. These choices define our false selves, which are of what one becomes because of these wounds, lies, and vows believed (Cloud & Townsend, 2012).
All of these choices are reactions to our imperfect nature, in addition, to the wounding suffered while growing up through life, being reactions, as opposed to being proactive approaches; these become fear-based choices. Fear based choices are ultimately destructive to one’s God given call to relationship with Him and others.
We must understand this false self, how it developed, and then discover the damages it has produced in life and relationships; damages to self, others, and even one’s relationship with God. By accepting responsibility for the damage that is done, confessing to God will change one’s heart, in addition, empower one to discard the false self, letting the real inner-person come forward, and be fruitful.
Most important is devoutness that involves a pure and blameless heart for God based reality within. The pursuit of holiness in offering proper love and life, being exclusively available to one another to rely upon each other as dependable, faithful, honest, and loving which therefore leads to an enthusiastic covenant relationship. According to Gary Chapman in The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted you will discover many things you may not like about your mate, moreover, your mate will never be perfect, nor will they ever do everything that you desire (Chapman, 2009). Good marriages always take hard work, and for Christian’s today there is much more to study in divorce prevention besides providing for healthy happy marriages.
When building lasting relationships it is important to look Biblically for answers to grow and...