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Relationships Advice Paper: Dr. Roof Letter "Should I Give My Ex A Second Chance?"

1581 words - 6 pages

Dear Alex,Thank you for writing me with regard to the issue of giving your ex - boyfriend a second chance or not. According to your letter, you and your ex - boyfriend were really in love since you two both decided to move together from L.A. to San Francisco for school. However, your relationship was broke up but you didn't mention in your letter what causes this. So I assume that your ex - boyfriend cheated on you and you no longer want to keep the relationship and decided to break up with him. But now you are confuse of giving him a second chance or not and you wrote in your letter that you still have some feelings for him. From my point of view, it always come a time in every relationship where a breakup has occurred and a need by one or both partners to try it again. Thus, now I'll explore several reasons why you should reign in that urge to jump right back into a relationship with the man that you just stepped out of relationship with. Regardless who did the breaking up, there's always a reason why the relationship itself went sour so it's just as important to go slow when it comes to thinking of jumping back in. As Ivy Chen, an MPH, points out that "our first loves are idealized. Purity of loving someone without having been hurt before" (Lovers from Friends; Friends with Benefits; Long - Lost Love Reunions Lecture, 9/15/2008). As he is your first really serious partner, I think you would like to keep the relationship with him. Here is my advice, as you still have feeling with him, you should give yourself and your ex - boyfriend a second chance to see what have changes after your reunion.Right from the beginning, it's important for you to be honest with yourself as to what caused the relationship to disintegrate. If the problem was something easily fixable then it's probably wise to go forth and give him the benefit of the doubt and go with your heart, but if the original breakup involved something more difficult, then make sure that you keep both eyes open and take your time to evaluate your need to remain in a relationship that wasn't working in the past. As I assume that in the beginning your ex- boyfriend cheated on you which caused the relationship to end, I will tell you how to deal with it. First of all, your ex has cheated but why did he cheat on you? This depends on what type of cheat it is and I'm going to talk about one-time cheats. One-time cheats make a real mistake. He regrets it and he hates himself for the fact that he have cheated. He is frightened by what he have lost or nearly lost - the person he truly love, which is you! Whether you caught him or not, he won't do it again. Since you said your ex - boyfriend is a commitment - phobe, but he did talk something that he had never mentioned before, and I think he really wants to get back with you again. So in this case, you should consider getting back with your ex even though he has cheated. There is no doubt you will be experiencing a deep sense of betrayal, hurt, anger,...

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