Satire Essay

888 words - 4 pages

At the latest press conference held by Apple, the new groundbreaking innovation for the iPhone 6 was finally revealed to the public. After years of mingling about in the barbarian state of face-to-face conversation, society is finally being introduced with the ability to eliminate the middle-man, and communicate solely through the use of their smart phone. The feature is called Siri-Speech, which helps envelop the user in the dissociation that is accompanied by using machines to fill the void once occupied by primitive speech. The user only needs to type a text they would like the individuals near them to hear, and the application will read the text aloud. This awe-inspiring feature will ...view middle of the document...

Samantha Keeler, a 16-year old teenager from Boston said “I think this feature is long overdue. Concepts like speaking and maintaining eye contact are a dying and unnecessary practice.” Samantha then digressed into her native tongue and said to the reporters “Before is so freaking lame. I love Apple and all of its products,” which was a very time-effective method of stating the phrase. Jerry Miller, a 36-year old chronic bachelor and staunch advocate of Siri-Speech who lives in his mother’s basement stated to the reporters “I can’t believe I have gotten this far in life without Siri-Speech. I’m actually very bitter that I have to be holding this conversation right now,” then proceeding to log onto his Match.com profile where he poses as a 22 year old body-builder/CEO of the entire world. Afterwards, the American Coalition of English Enthusiasts awarded both Samantha and Jerry with honorary grammar awards, stating “This is so inspirational! We find text speak to be amazing.”
Although the vast majority of the public finds the features introduced by the iPhone 6 to be outstanding, there are the inevitable few Negative Nancies who attempt to ruin all joy and happiness out of everyday life. These pessimistic individuals are usually involved in higher education centered on English Language and Composition. These wolves in sheep’s clothing surrounded reporters after the event in a Denny’s Diner to spew their propaganda. Emily White Ph.D., who holds a doctorate in English which she probably forged or bought at a dollar store, aggressively ranted to reporters that “The detrimental effects to the...

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