Deborah Tannen’s: Sex Lies and Conversation
When in a relationship things can be very difficult, like in any other situation there are ups and downs. Deborah Tannen has set out to explain and try to justify the increasing divorce rates in America. Through many social realizations and scientific studies, Tannen is able to make a case on why the divorce rate has increased throughout out the years; Wives believe that their Husbands are no longer listening to them. Women have divorced their husbands more than ever because of communication problems. According to Tannen this is truly not the case overall, it is how men and women have been raised that keep them from being great communicators. Both men and women have their own ways of communicating; ways that they learned was socially acceptable throughout their lives. Men are the prime suspects in communication problem divorces; Tannen has analyzed why and understands the uprising.
The main claim in this piece is that men are not listening to their wives, leading to divorce or break up’s. Tannen appeal to reasoning in her piece states that ever since growing up males and females have been separated by sex. This is a significant reason behind how men communicate versus how women communicate. According to Tannen “Bonds between boys’ can be as intense as girls’, but they are based less on talking, more on doing things together.” Men are able to connect to others through activity rather than talking, unlike women who bond better through communication. Men are accustomed to a hierarchy; some feel as if listening to others is the same as a child listening to an adult. Women often do not understand how men listen, Men tend to not make eye-contact, leading females to believe that men are un-interested, this is not the case however this is how men are programmed. Sometime men have to be in the correct situation and atmosphere in order to concentrate on listening. Everyone has seen this type of situation, whether it was with his or her parents or just in a movie. We can relate to this and if you are a male you can see that the other male is being haggled, while another women would recognize it as the guy being uninterested.
Men tend to keep conversations short and topics less lengthy. Women feel as if this is just not caring enough. Tannen has a sense of ethos in this part of her piece. Women in conversation about problems will ask investigative questions, and express agreement and understanding. But, men are not intrusive. They will dismiss each other’s problems with simple statements and switch to a topic about themselves. Women perceive these responses as insensitive and belittling. Women have to reassure themselves when having problems by others telling them over and over again that they will be okay. Men are more likely to justify how much worse it could be for them. Both Men and Women have different means of communicating; Men have a sense of power or respect when they talk less, while Women see this...