Social Essay

3198 words - 13 pages

CO12 Presentation Notes Chapter Eleven The Dialogue of Deterioration Troublesome Ways of Expressing * One person's perception of what constitutes affection and caring does not match the other's perception * the painful channels of sending and receiving messages of caring and affection Any pattern has the potential for being perceived destructive * All our principles were right, but our results were wrong. This is a diseased century. We diagnosed the disease and its causes with microscopic exactness, but wherever we applied the healing knife a new sore appeared. Our will was hard and pure, we should have been loved by the people. But they hate us. (Koestler) Destructive Patterns * Helpful-Critical Patterns * "Helpful" help when not asked or needed - patronizing manner Mindreading - needs or feelings * Critical finding a flaw - look at the world through black colored glasses Destructive Patterns * Active-Passive Patterns * Active Constantly seeking interaction, being together, being friends or intimate * Passive a style of being withdrawn, uninvolved, introverted Destructive Patterns * Aggressive-Evasive Patterns * Aggressive - five levels: repartee - witty remarks to hit others cliché - programmed comments namecalling provocation - insults, threats, accusations physiological degeneration Destructive Patterns * Evasive - four methods 1. changing the focus of responsibilities - "See what you made me do." 2. Changing the direction of conversation 3. Changing the level of the conversation (e.g. practical - philosophic) 4. Sending in congruous message ( double-bind e.g. 383) Destructive Patterns * Dominating-Submissive Patterns * Dominating Life is a competitive arena where one person wins and the other loses - "I have to love you the way I want".* Submissive "Wouldn't it be nice to be paired up with a slave?" Destructive Patterns * Certain - Provisional Patterns * Certain Know it all Nothing new under the sun * Provisional - can't do or say anything for sure - "I can't make the commitment things will be different." Chapter 10 Communication and the Process of Relationship Disengagement Reasons for Breaking Up: A Redbook Survey: (10) in-laws (9) women's equality issues (8) alcohol or drug abuse (7) conflicts about children (6) money (5) lack of excitement or fun (4) infidelity (3) sexual incompatibility (2) loss of shared goals or interests Reasons for Breaking Up (1) a breakdown in communication: Couples didn't seem to talk to each other about matters that were central to the continuance of a close relationship (e.g., what you feel, what you want from the relationship Reasons for Breaking Up * dissatisfaction with one's partner * disillusionment with the relationship * difficulties with individual characteristics * problems with others who form the relationship network * inability to deal with the strain imposed by circumstances (e.g. relocation) Manners of Disengagement * Dissolve with abrupt suddenness (Sudden death) * Small but regular...

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